Alfred vs The Joker


Where’s Bruce Wayne?! Mr. Wayne is not at home, sir. Too bad! I’ll get my revenge later. Right now I’ll settle for cash! Where’s the safe? My duties do not include aiding and abetting thievery. Oh, no? I see. *evil cackle* This way, sir. Please be calm, madam. One peep out of you and I’ll blow your head off! Where’s the safe?! Over there. Oh my, you poor little thing! Behind the picture, sir. There’s no safe there! Alfred, be careful, The Joker’s an archcriminal! I know, madam, but a very poor fencer. You Anglo fink, I’ll smash you to smidgens! May I point out that ‘smidgens’ is a childish elocution, which should have no place even in so poor a vocabulary as yours! Stand back! Stand back, I say, or I’ll – What’s this?! Don’t touch that! A-HA! A secret passage! Alfred, what’s happened? I’m afraid the Joker accidentally tripped the Batpole switch, and mistook this for a secret passage, sir. Then he’s down in the Batcave?! He didn’t quite make the Batcave, Master Robin. Then where is he? I believe he shall be arriving presently. Emergency Batpole elevator – fast thinking, Alfred. Thank you, sir. *the sound of Joker screaming like a little bitch* SOMEONE GET ME OFF THIS CRAZY DUMBWAITER!
I CAN’T BREATHE! Joker says he can’t breathe, Alfred. Why don’t you give him some breathing space? With pleasure, sir. OH NO- *screaming intensifies* It’s lucky you didn’t get around to washing our other costumes, Alfred – – or else Joker might’ve found himself wearing a Bat-costume! I think we’d better see about Baby Jane Tauser. Alfred, it looks like you can handle things here. I believe everything’s well in hand, sir, and the young lady’s in the living room. HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!!! Alfred, old pal – HAVE PITY! We “Anglo finks” have a long memory. *the sound of the Joker getting BTFO* One really shouldn’t take pleasure in another creature’s misfortunes… …but, occasionally, one may be forgiven… …for a slight twinge of satisfaction.

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