Bad Boy Fencing Star Implicated In Yet Another Jewel Heist

Well, it looks like fencing’s bad boy,
Raphael De La Croix, has run a foul of the law yet again. Police in Monaco have issued a warrant
for De La Croix’s arrest in connection with a cat burglary
of a priceless diamond from the Prince Renault Museum. Just another black mark for a man
who’s fast becoming a poster child for bad
behavior in fencing. Will the International Fencing Federation
finally do something about De La Criox? Or will he get off scott free once more? Break out your lobster bib because
somebody’s about to get steamed. The Steam Room brought to you by Coke Zero. Coke Zero, the official soft drink of sweaty
Q and A sessions. Welcome to the Steam Room
where we sweat the truth out of our experts. Along side Reggie Greengrass,
I’m Tim Devannon. Reggie, you ready to swallow some hot steam?
– The wetter the better. Then the Steam Room begins now. Reg, stealing the Monaco Diamond,
come on. De La Criox, sure he’s got a
lighting-quick perry, but how can the IFF let this
skullduggery go unpunished? I hear you, Tim, and De La Croix has got to
answer for dropping that crystal chandelier on those museum goers. He hasn’t taken responsibility
for any of it yet. In fact, just this afternoon, he released
a statement saying, “Me? Le Jaguar? Preposterous! Perhaps if the police
weren’t such bumbling fools they’d be able to catch this man
and clear my good name.” You buying that?
– Come on. De La Croix is clearly Le Jaguar. How many six foot one men with
pencil mustaches can there be who move with the grace and power
of a jungle cat? – Right! For all of his villainy, there’s no denying
he’s still da Vinci with the sword. Sure, but lately his coule has been
overshadowed a little bit by his hot dogging off the floor. Well, no question.
His behavior just keeps getting worse. Police searched his car
during a routine stop. They found a priceless Rembrandt that they
traced to a daring heist at the Louvre. Really? – Of course De La Croix
said it belonged to a friend. – Oh, yeah, right.
The League let him off with a fine. What is IFF commissioner,
Peter James Whistleby, waiting for? What? De La Croix to kidnap a rare
white tiger from Artis Royal Zoo? It’s true, yes, he spends too much time
giving out roses to young, widowed socialites in the stands, and not enough time
deflecting his opponents attaque au fer. Widows whom he widowed, no doubt. Yeah, and this week he seduced,
married, and divorced Countess Stephania Isabella de Uster
of Switzerland, made off with $50 million in Nazi gold and a locket that was owned
by Catherine the Great. Scoundrel! The Countess spoke to OSN’s
under the bleachers about that incident. He told me that I was his true love.
That I had tamed him. And then he left with my royal coronet
while I was sleeping. I still love you Le Jaguar.
I forgive you! Poor, sad lady.
– Reg, it’s time for the final sweat. You’re dehydrated and
dangerously low on electrolytes. Are you sure you can handle more heat?
– I demand it. Here it comes. Is there no one who can bring an end to this
dashing nave’s reign of terror? I will, Tim.
– No, it’s too dangerous! I have no choice but to take off the foil
once again and vanquish this ratton. God speed, Reggie Greengrass.
You’ve survived the Steam Room. Go rehydrate. Well steamed guys. When we come back, sports music researchers
have discovered a brand new Jock Jam to pump up the nation.
Stick around.

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Reader Comments

  1. swrdgrl

    I'm a fencer and I love this. They get extra points for using the phrase "ataque au fer" correctly in a sentence. But I have to dock them for changing from saber to foil in the middle of the story. 😉

  2. jimbrown257

    At the very end it says that "Three Die in Helmetless NFL Throwback Game" which is silly because (yeah, I know it's a joke), almost all football deaths were caused because of modern helmets. To actually break a player's neck, you need the added leveage that you can only get with a helmet. That is why they are talking about getting rid of helmets and going back to leather-head type headgear.

  3. jimbrown257


    Are you serious? I should probably tell my girlfriend about this; it's the only fair thing to do. I feel bad for her but, in my defense, I really didnt know until know.

    Of course there is still a .1% chance I am actually straight like I have always thought I was. Do you think I should get myself checked out to be sure or should I start screwing guys right away to make up for lost time?

    Man, my parents aren't going to be happy about this. And I certainly feel like a fool.

  4. Ian Merritt

    @gottobehilikus there's an episode of 30 Rock where tracy jordan goes on a show called, Sports Shouting, where four guests yell about sports the whole time. tracy just shrieks, not even words, the whole time, lolololol.

  5. swrdgrl

    @dominicpodom Well, although we call it FIE in English, the actual translation is "International Fencing Federation," so they were close enough. Besides, I doubt the real FIE chair would like being portrayed as Peter James Whistleby IV. 🙂

  6. rg500delta

    While I am not the world's greatest fender, I fenced for a year while in college. Mostly foil, but when I did a little epee I was amazed by the advanced guys' ability to hit my fingers and score points- even with my hand behind the guard. Any touch on the fingers (any touch anywhere) is a point with epee. foil has lots of rules, but it only scores points for a touch to the main torso ie: a hit to the vital area. With epee, you can lose a bout by having your pinkie touched 5 times.

  7. implicaverse

    How did that countess bitch end up with Nazi gold? It's not Nazi gold after you steal it from a Nazi. So if it was still Nazi gold while she had it, what does that make her? I'm only saying.

    Go, Lee-Jag! And this would make a better movie premise than Magruber. And I actually want to catch that on video.

  8. Nathan Ng

    lol. what is this making fun of?…. it feels like a sport section of daily news and at the same time making fun of movies about hero/villains with two identities?

  9. ElveeKaye

    @Headsetphobias It seems to be a spoof of old adventure serials, comic book villains, and James Bond movies. I love how they did it as a sports presentation!

  10. Fluffy Marmot

    De la Croix is such a dirty fencer, but damn can that boy move! Slap on the wrist then back to the salle…the sport wouldn't be the same without him.

  11. Robert J. Williamson

    @Roploop Why are you saying "lol wow"? I am in production and I can tell you that this video would have cost 10's of thousands of dollars even though most of it is green screen. They have about ten actors involved in this one section, half a dozen costumes to hire, countless graphics and several news and photographic mock ups. I just do not see that 118 thousands views are going to pay for all that even with the adverts and coca cola sponsorship.


    Hahahaha, the way they talk! XD OMG! Pure TV Marketing in action! I love how USA people invent words and phrases for saying something instead of saying just as it is! Hahahaha Just priceless!

  13. Robert J. Williamson

    @Roploop Well obviously no I do not understand how you make money from individual hits on YouTube which is why I asked an honest polite question. But thank for being an arrogant fuck – that really helped me understand. Cheers I hope the next time you do not understand the economics of something your bank manager punches you in the face and then laughs at you on the floor – dick head.

  14. Robert J. Williamson

    @TheProject941 Thanks for the information as a director I wondered if there was a way to profit from YouTube. Just so you know Shakespeare was not better spoken if you mean the use of profanities. He used the word cunt or at the time CUT in several plays. He used the word COCK and he also used a great deal of slang and even made up hundreds of new words when he could not find a rhyme or simply felt like it.

  15. samauripizzacats101

    @WillShakespeare2007 hey they make be making a lot of money and they may not be. The point is keep clicking get laughs and hope to hell they are making the money they need to keep up the laughs

  16. Wisprsinthedrk

    It's amazing what a pro career gets people out of. The jewel heists and scandels are understandable, but good lord no man should be above the law when it comes to exceeding the legal level of epicness.

  17. Jordan Argyris

    @samauripizzacats101 They don't just have a youtube channel. They have like an actual paper with subscribers and that's where they make their money. The laughs will definately keep coming!

  18. samauripizzacats101

    @something172 they have an actual paper? I just canceled my subscription to dallas morning news last month so this seems like perfect timing

  19. Sam Trumpour

    Peter James whistlebee is obviously the fence for the stolen goods and the person who trained la Croix. Peter is the original jaguar.

  20. Diditallforthexp

    De La Croix is obviously not The Jaguar. One has a black patch over his face, the other has a human-man face. They look totally different except for the face-parts.

  21. Milkb0t

    "I have no choice by to take up the foil once again and vanquish this rake" This skit was perfectly written it's so goddamn good

  22. Jayce Infinite Al'gharhythmns

    It's kinda funny that Reggie Greengrass name is Reggie White, because it starts a song that goes.. "Green grows the grass" and the word that derived from it … I wont type it here (just say Green grows fast a few times to get it). The point is, even the naming convention is brilliant!

  23. Andy Brenner

    I saw Greengrass vs De La Croix on the national news – it was the greatest fencing match I've ever seen. Greengrass is a true legend of the sport.

    But De La Croix's story didn't end there. He broke his silence at the very end of his trial, looked directly at the ONN camera and boisterously declared:

    "Our match is still in its prologue! Make your preparations, for no prison can handicap a genius of the epee such as myself."

    He mysteriously escaped his cell a few hours later. Every once in a while I see this video and I get excited at the thought of his return.

  24. Jonathan Wright

    I wonder what movie they are referencing here. I know it is sort of a general character type, but can't quite put my finger on it.

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