Escape Room Escapades – (Ep 6)


♪♪ What up, what up, what up? It’s you know who, coming to you
live from the W in Hollywood. This place is so famous,
it only goes by one letter — the W.
That’s bad-ass. I mean, even Jay-Z
needs two letters, same with L.L., M.J., O.J. —
all the greats. Thank you so much.
Ooh! What if I just went
by one letter, huh? The R! “The R Solves Crimes
on Television.” I like the sound of that. Okay, I know what
you’re thinking… the R has gone
all Hollywood on us. But, no, the truth
is I just need a break. After five eps, Mathers and I
have solved 15 murders. How crazy is that?
That’s an average of, like… so many murders. And all due respect to C-batch,
but not even Sherlock is pulling down
those kind of numbers. Who cares if our ratings
are in a “death spiral,” as the analysts
like to call it. We’re keeping
this city safe, baby. In fact, the way that Mathers and the R are closing cases,
who knows? We might not even need
a dead body this week. ♪♪ Oh, ho ho!
This is too funny. Mathers: What the fuck
is wrong with you? I was in this escape room
two weeks ago. The Library —
one of my top five non-Russian-owned
escape rooms in L.A. So much fun! Oh! I can’t believe
they didn’t get this one. They’re dead, asshole. Yeah, but
it’s like a super-easy clue. Gosh, this brings back
so many memories. You know, when I played,
we escaped with time to spare. What? Wait, I have no idea
what you’re talking about. If we’d have been
a couple minutes faster, we would have gotten
$2.00 off our next visit,
that’s what I’m talking about. No, I meant
what is this place? What the hell’s
an escape room? You’ve never heard
of an escape room? They’re, like,
super popular in L.A. Get a bunch of people
together — six is good, seven is ideal —
lock ’em in a room, and then they have to
solve clues to get out. You would love it!
It’s like being a detective. Yeah, ’cause that’s exactly what
being a detective sounds like. Now, can you put the
murder weapon down, please? Oh, I thought
it might be a clue. It is.
It’s the murder weapon. [ Sighs ]
Okay, this might be crazy, but…
what do you say you and me — No, I’m gonna have to
stop you right there. Wait. You didn’t even know
what I was gonna say. I do know what
you were gonna say. You were gonna say,
“Ha, let’s do an escape room together, huh?” First of all, that’s not
what I sound like. My voice has a lot
more timbre in it. Second of all,
why would you say no? I’d rather be locked in a room
with a bag of dicks. [ Laughs ] Dicks! That’s so funny. Where are you coming up
with this stuff? Are the writers feeding you
these, or is this all you? Hey, guys, give me a good alt.
Give me a killer comeback, huh? Rawson, guys, girl?
Anyone? Well…
this is usually where you tell me
what you’re thinking. You know what? Why don’t we
switch it up this time. I’m gonna let you
take the lead here. Wait, really? Yeah. You’re the escape
room guy, right? Like to hear
what you think. Yeah, okay, okay. Ha. So we know that
the bodies are dead. Ah, yes. Butchered. It’s actually pretty gross —
getting kind of nauseous. But why were they killed?
And by who? By whom. That’s exactly my point. Keep going. Now, to understand that,
we need to understand this — an escape room
is a pressure cooker. You’re locked in,
the clock is ticking. The next thing you know,
blondie over here, she don’t know how to
use this black light. She’s like, “I —
I don’t — I’m stressed out. I never used
a black light before, I don’t even know
what to do. Oh! Oh, my God!” And redhead, she gets up,
she’s like, “What’s up? I’m ginger.”
Bam, bam — boom. And a cat fight
turns deadly. Boo! Wha! Boof! Victim one — dead. [ Exhales ] [ Whooshing ]
Boof! Victim two, dead. Then all hell
breaks loose. It’s “Lord of the Flies” meets
“Hunger Games: Catching Fire” meets “Hunger Games:
Mockingjay – Part 2.” [ Whooshes ] Hyah! [ Whooshing ] Victim three — dead! Victim four…
hyah, hyah! Hyah! Dead! Victim five… [ Whooshes, grunts ] Dead! [ Whooshes ] Victim six…dead. Oh! Oh, sick!
Oh, I got dead on me. And that’s how it happened. Case closed. And, yeah, I took a stunts and
combat class for nine months. Shit. Ow. What was that for? You know, just bet
Hendricks here 20 bucks that you would come up
with the dumbest theory that either one of us
has ever heard. Okay, but doesn’t
mean it’s not true. Actually, it does. I already checked
the security cam footage, and the killer came
through a secret passage right there with
a lucha libre mask on and brutally murdered
every victim one by one. But I like your theory,
too. Thank you. Wasn’t a compliment. [ Sighs heavily ] [ Chuckles ] So much fun, right? Mathers: Look at this psycho. It’s like straight out
of a horror movie. Ryan:
This is so weird, but there’s an
escape room movie prepping now. Contained horror —
total franchise potential. Been trying to get
an audition, but the writer/director’s
some French dude who does not even know
who I am. Yeah, so weird. Here’s what’s weirder — the plot revolves
around six people brutally murdered
in an escape room. The killer’s disguise —
Mexican wrestling mask. How crazy is that? Are you serious? I know, what are the odds? Wait, have you read it? No, no,
I don’t read scripts. Gets in the way
of my performance. Now your career
makes sense. Look, can you get your
hands on this script? Well, that depends. On what? On whether or not
you do an escape room with me tomorrow night. How about this? What? Either you get me the script,
or I book you for obstruction, then you can escape
out of a jail cell. How’s that sound? Guys, are you feeding her
all the good lines? H-Hey, hello! God! You know what, I got a comeback.
What if I said, um… Y-you know what? She can have this scene.
I’ll get her on the next one. [ Chuckles ] [ Cart horn honks ] All right, try not to go
too hard on this director — don’t want to ruin my
chances for an audition. Don’t worry, your acting
will take care of that. What– Ha. Your acting will take —
[ Sighs ] That’s your theory? Doesn’t feel like
a coincidence. Detective, why would
I be so stupid as to commit a murder
the same way I’ve written it? Then I’d be
the prime suspect. Ah, the “Basic Instinct”
defense — classic. Oh. Michael Douglas is the cop,
Sharon Stone is the suspect. She uses
the same exact alibi, but then they have,
like, crazy-wild sex. I’ve seen “Basic Instinct.” Really? At the academy, they showed
us two training videos that were
cautionary tales — the Rodney King beating
and “Basic Instinct.” So good, right? And, like,
a surprisingly happy ending. What? What? Sharon Stone and Michael Douglas
end up together, in love, happily ever after. Sharon Stone’s the killer. That’s open to interpretation. The last shot of the movie
is an ice pick in her bed. That’s the murder weapon. Uh, I’m pretty sure
if she was the killer, they would have mentioned it
in “Basic Instinct 2,” which, spoiler alert, was a worthy successor
to the original. Look, this movie is my big
break. I need it to succeed. So why would I go on
a killing rampage two weeks before I start filming,
hmm? I’m not Werner Herzog. Okay, whoever did this had
to have access to your script. Who else read it? Everyone in Hollywood
read it. It was the contained horror
spec of December 2016. I totes agree.
The town went nuts. I heard that third-act twist
is mind-blowing — like peak Shyamalan. What are you talking about? Um, “The Happening,” obvi. Uh, I could see arguments
for “Lady in the Water,” but we’re splitting
hairs at this point. Now, what’s the third-act
twist you’re talking about? The big reveal — you know,
when you find out that the one thing is
actually the other thing. I haven’t read it, but my
agent’s intern’s assistant gave me coverage,
which I skipped. That’s not my script. You must be thinking
of the other escape room spec. Wait, there are two
escape room movies? At least. Oh, right, I see
what’s going on here. We have an “Armageddon”
“Deep Impact” sitch. What? That’s when two movies
of the same plot come out
around the same time. Like “Dante’s Peak”
and “Volcano.” “White House Down”
and “Olympus Has Fallen.” “K-9” and “Turner & Hooch.” Mm-hmm. Ah, “Fences”
and “Hidden Figures,” hmm? Uh, hey, I don’t think
those are similar. Are you sure? Pretty sure. I haven’t seen either one. Not a great excuse,
but, you know, okay. Ahh! Ah, yes,
the goldenrod pages. Def gonna be checking that
out. And, no pressure, but I’m happy
to come in whenever for a-dish. What? An audition. Oh, you’re an actor. [ Laughs ] Good one. I love
that dry French humor. Right, that’s so cool.
But, seriously, I am available. Excuse me, do you mind if we get back to
the two escape room movies? There’s not going to be
two escape room movies is what I was going to
tell you. As soon as my project
was green-lit, the other one went
into turn-around. It happens.
Oh, can you excuse me a second? Well, there’s a motive. What, for Hans? No, for the writer of
the other escape room script. He kills those people to frame
Hans, Hans gets arrested, and the other guy’s
movie is back on. Honestly, can’t believe
nobody else has ever tried it. What do you think? I think your “Lord of the Flies”
theory was more believable. It’s so stupid it
might actually be true. All right, let’s go
find this other writer. Yeah, give me a second. Okay, I’m sorry,
I just don’t see it. I’m looking for someone
darker, grittier, hmm? More of
an Eric Christian Olsen type. I’m sure you understand. Ow. ♪♪ [ Exhales ] Seriously,
Eric Christian Olsen is gritty? Please.
He’s in “The Hot Chick.” He’s in “The Back-up Plan.” He’s in “Dumb and Dumberer:
When Harry Met Lloyd.” Lloyd is not gritty. Who cares?
It’s just another movie. It’s not just another movie,
it’s a potential franchise. Or did you think they said
“Fast and the Furious” is just another movie? Yeah, I do. They can’t predict
if a movie’s gonna be a hit. Oh, my God. It’s like you’ve never heard
of a test-screening before. They have algorithms
and black boxes and things that
predict the future. And now Vin Diesel’s
so rich, he can even treat other rich
people like garbage. There he is —
Luke Kovac. Damn, dude can’t
even afford a car. No wonder he killed
those people. [ Chuckles ] [ Scoffs ] [ Taser buzzes ] What the hell is that? Bad-ass, right?
Picked it up at Walmart. Didn’t even need
to show ’em my ID. Ah, they probably
recognized me. Give me that. Whoa, no way! You guys
won’t give me a gun, I’m gonna defend myself —
Ow! God! Fine. Well, I’m bringing
Mr. Boom Boom then. What?! Jesus! Relax,
it’s just a prop, okay? I pinched if off the set
of “G.I. Joe: Retaliation.” Really scared people
last Halloween. Ow! Okay, okay! How did you
do that so fast? I’m a cop, you’re a moron. God! Well, can I at least get
a night stick or a can of mace
or something? I mean, old ladies have
more weapons than I do. Old ladies are tougher
than you. [ Sighs ]
It’s just a prop. Whoa… God damn it! You have insurance,
right? No! What, I thought it was a prop.
I’m sure you can expense it. Fuck, you’re an idiot! Captain, in my defense– Stop talking. Well, no, I just wanted– Stop talking. And don’t you dare look
at that camera again. You look at me, Hollywood,
you got that? I’m your camera now. And you better give me
the performance of a lifetime. You got it? Eh, not really. Sort of a vague note. Um, could you give me
something more specific? Duck. What? Oh! Oh! Is that specific
enough for you? Mathers: Captain,
the good news is we just got Kovac’s prints
back from the lab, and they’re all over
the murder scene. Then what the hell
are you still doing here? Get a confession before
his lawyer shows up and sees the shrapnel
in his damn face! And don’t bring him! I won’t. What? I can’t afford
any more screw-ups. That is your trademark,
isn’t it — screwing up? Well, I prefer to think of it
as an amusing character nuance. Get out. Aren’t you
forgetting something? What, you want him to throw
something else at your head? No, his catch phrase. Get out! Oh, that’s not exactly it.
You want to try it again? “Get the hell
out of my office.” Get out! Yeah, that’s it. Get out! Get out! Get out! Got it. Guys… we’ll get it in post,
that’s fine. Male voice: Get the hell
out of my office. Hey, you’re not actually gonna
listen to the captain, are you? No. I was gonna freeze you out
even before he told me to. Whoa, hold on. We don’t
freeze each other out. We don’t fly solo.
We work best together. Duchovny and Anderson,
you know, Franz and Smits. Michael Douglas
and that chubby partner of his in “Basic Instinct,”
I can’t remember his name, but he’s a very recognizable
character actor. You don’t split
magic like this up. You blew up my car. You almost killed the suspect,
not to mention me. I’m sorry, I am. But, please, I got a new routine
I’ve been working on called “bad cop, worse cop
with a raging coke habit.” Huh, could be epic. Don’t act like you don’t
want to see it. Huh? Fine. Whatever. Yes. [ Scoffs ] All right, listen up,
asshole– Oh, it’s the wrong room. [ Door closes ] Hey! [ Lock clicks ] Ha ha, very funny. Mathers! What the fuck?! [ Sighs ] So you say you’re innocent,
Luke, but your prints are
all over the escape room. How do you explain that? I go to those escape rooms
a lot. I’ve played the Library
at least three times. Also the Apothecary,
the Cavern, the Zombie Nightclub. But I didn’t kill anyone. I don’t believe you, Luke. Oh, shit. Why would anyone do an
escape room three times, huh? Escape rooms are
like condoms, man. You use them once
and you’re done. [ Sniffles ] I just like
escape rooms, I guess. It started off
as research. Then it turned
into an obsession. Yeah, a deadly obsession. Knock it off, Hansen! Is this guy serious?! [ Sniffles ]
Serious as cancer — testicular — stage four — both balls!
[ Sniffles ] What is going on? Just ignore him. What’s going on, Luke, is you’re going to
the electric chair, baby. Didn’t they ban capital
punishment in California? Who’s talking about Cali,
huh? I’m smuggling your ass
across the border. I’m gonna fry you
up like a fish. Who wants tacos, huh? Luke taco– [ Mike turns off ] [ Sighs ] Admit it, Luke. I’ve been freebasing
for 72 hours, Luke. [ Sniffles ]
Yeah, that’s right. I don’t know my right
from my wrong, my left from my right.
I’m out there, man. And I am taking you
with me, baby. [ Snorts ] Mmm! [ Laughing ] Oh, yeah.
You hear me? You killed those people just
like you read in Hans’ script. Hello? Guys? You frame him, he goes to jail,
your movie’s back on. Okay. Look… that is the stupidest thing
I’ve ever heard — and I used to be
a Scientologist. The studio didn’t dump my script
because of this other movie, they dumped it because
it was too expensive. And it’s their fault! When it started, it was
a contained thriller — “Die Hard”
in an escape room. But once I started listening
to those producers’ notes, my escape room became
a portal to another world. There were aliens
and there were fairies — and there was
a mystic beast in– Okay, enough!
I don’t care. I’m sorry.
It was traumatic. But I’m over it now. I’m even pitching
a new movie next week. Did you not hear me?
I don’t give a shit. Well, I’ll give you
the 10-second pitch. It’s a contained thriller —
kind of my specialty. Only this time, it takes
place in a writer’s room. One of the creatures
on the show comes to life and starts killing
the producers one by one. And so now they have to write
the death of the creature into the script
before they’re all killed. It’s based on a true story. A creature comes to life and it’s based on
a true story? L-Loosely. I mean, the studios don’t care.
They love that stuff. If they can slapped “Based
on a true story” on a poster, that’s another $20 million
at the box office — guaranteed. You think
“Schindler’s List” is real? Liam Neeson
isn’t really German. God, it’s like you’ve all
had the same lobotomy. This movie is my big break.
I need it to succeed. $20 million at the box office,
guaranteed. [ Camera shutter clicking ] Ryan:
Oh, yeah, goldenrod, baby. Mathers!
Mathers, let me out! You’ve got the wrong guy!
I know who it is! Mather– Whoa! That was close. Oh! [ Sighs ]
Oh, you fucking idiot. Wait,
so now you like Hans? [ Scoffs ] No.
I let him be on my show and he won’t even
give me an audition. What is up with that? I mean you like him
for the murders. Oh, yeah, yeah,
totally. Check it. Hans commits the murders exactly
as it appears in his script knowing his “Basic Instinct”
alibi will keep him in the clear while we go up to that poor sap
with the escape room fetish. Then his movie’s marketed
as “based on a true story,” he’s guaranteed a hit. It’s even cleaner
than my first theory. I’m like the Stephen Hawking
of crime fighting. But it’s still a theory.
We need evidence. Well, normally,
I’d say let’s just plant it, but we got something
even better. The killer planted it himself —
the goldenrod pages. The what? Goldenrod pages. See, when a script
goes in production, each set of revisions is printed
on a different color of paper. Pink, blue, yellow, green,
salmon, goldenrod — the list goes on and on. Why not just call it yellow? ‘Cause this is Hollywood. We’re a lot more
creative than that. Look at the date
on the cover. The goldenrod pages were printed
a day after the murder. And so if there are
any changes on those pages that match the murder scene… The writer and the killer
are the same person. Wow. It is like
“Basic Instinct.” Yeah, well, with a twist. ‘Cause Hans is
the killer in this case, and, you know,
Sharon Stone’s innocent. Whatever. Not gonna argue
with you on this. ‘Cause you know I’m right. She had an ice pick
in her bed. Why would she
need an ice pick? Jesus! Burglars. ♪♪ Well, I guess it’s true
what they say in Hollywood… the script is everything. No one says that. Well, they should.
‘Cause without a script, actors wouldn’t have
anything to deviate from. Can you give us
a minute, hmm? What’s this all about? Well, Hans, I was reading your
script — not my strong suit. But I pushed through
and read all the dialogue, even the parts
I wasn’t right for. And all the action lines, even though they’re like
single-spaced and full of words. But I noticed
something funny. In the original script, victim
number four was disemboweled. And yet
in the latest revision, dated after the murders,
her neck was slashed open. Now, tell me, Detective, how was victim number four
found at the crime scene? We don’t really number
our victims like that, but… yeah, her neck
was slashed open. Well, Hans, looks like you
wrote yourself into a corner. Well, well, well… I guess I underestimated you,
Mr. Hansen. Yeah,
you and Rotten Tomatoes. No.
I mean, I watched your reel. Wait, really? You’re a lot grittier
than I thought. I mean, your work in
“Hit and Run” for example, you hardly had a line,
and yet I was blown away. Wow. Thank you so much. I worked very hard
on that character. It showed. What is going on here? I’ve decided I don’t want
Eric Christian Olsen in my movie anymore,
I want you. Seriously?
Like, no audition — just straight-up
offer only style? I’ve seen all I need to see. Wow! Oh, but I’ll probably
have to forget about the sextuple murder? I’m talking
a lead role here, man. I know. Possible franchise. Then you take a hard
turn into drama, you get your passion
project made, and…win an Oscar. I know! That’s totally
what would happen. Oh, that’s why it’s so hard. Mathers: Hey, guys,
I don’t know what’s dumber, that you think
I’m gonna let you go, or that
he can win an Oscar. She’s right. It’s a great
offer, Hans, but– Okay, fine.
Just, um… please, not in front
of my crew, huh? Please. Of course. Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hey! No, no, no, no, no! Hey! [ Laughs ] God!
I did not see that coming. [ Sighs ] This is
just like the Library. The clues are harder,
sure. [ Air hissing ] This is legit. Hey. Hey, whoa.
Do you remember what happens in the third act climax
of Hans’ script? Uh,
I didn’t get that far. Kind of lied back there
about reading it. But pretty convincing,
right? Well,
if you did read it, you’d know that the killer fills
the room with poisonous gas. Within five minutes,
everyone’s dead. Oh! Stand back! Oh! [ Gunshots fire ] [ Door rattles ] It’s a really
well-built set. What? Hey! Anyone! Hello! God, there’s gotta be
some safety monitors or something around here.
This is a clear OSHA violation. Hey! Hey, calm down, okay? Now, this is an escape room.
We just have to escape. You can’t crack an escape room
in five minutes. You need at least 40, and that is with six people —
seven’s ideal. But I thought you’ve
already done this one. Yeah, but, like,
this is totally different. The clues are different,
the sequences, and also I lied
about that, too. I didn’t actually get out
of the escape room. Oh! All right, well,
forget about that. We could do this. We could do this together —
just like you said. Anderson and Duchovny, Franz
and Smits, Michael Douglas and– George Dzundza! Ha — that’s that guy’s name.
I love that actor. “No Way Out,”
“Deer Hunter,” “Crimson Tide” —
elevates everything he’s in. Well, see? [ Coughs ] If you can figure that out,
this will be easy. Let’s crack this bitch. Yeah, let’s crack this bitch. [ Both coughing ] All right. Okay. What kind of room
has no doors or windows? This is impossible. I know. A mushroom.
[ Chuckles ] Whoa! Hit it. [ Laughs ] Yes!
Okay, here we go. Dashes and dots,
dashes and dots. I got nothing, this– It’s Morse Code. What? How have you not
played this before? You’re like Tom Hanks
in “The Da Vinci Code,” but with better hair. “Hungry, use me.” God, this is so much harder
than I’m used to. Hungry, use me.
Hungry, use me. Both: Chopsticks? [ Coughing continues ] And… [ “Chopsticks” plays ] ♪♪ Whoa! Whoa! Key! Go, go! [ Lock rattling ] Why isn’t it working? God, it must be…
it must be to something else. Oh, this episode
just got dark. Dark — the light switch!
Turn off the lights. [ Coughs ] Look! What? Try the key in the cabinet. [ Both coughing ] ♪♪ Another key. [ Lock rattles, door opens ] What do you mean you won’t
let my Uber on the lot?! I called it in! Ah, fine!
I’m walking to the gate. Mathers: Hey, Hans? Huh? Escape this! [ Taser buzzes, Hans screams ] [ Laughs ] Whoa!
Came up with that on my own. I was gonna say
you’re under arrest, but… okay. Ah, I like my line better. [ Whistles ] [ Hans groans ] [ Police radio chatter ] So what’s the verdict
on escape rooms, yes or no? Come on, you liked it,
didn’t you? It was kind of like
being a detective. Ha ha — yes! We should do another one!
Like a real one — except, you know,
without the threat of death. Although, that was a nice touch.
Really amped up the stakes. So what do you say? Yeah, I’ll do another one.
Sure. Just not with you.
[ Laughs ] [ Chuckles ]
Classic Mathers. Don’t ever change. ♪♪ Hey, where’d everybody go? It’s late.
Everybody went home. Uh, except this one creepy
guy in the front row. Oh, that’s just Luke.
Say hi, Luke. Hi. Who’s Luke? Oh, he’s a new writer
I hired. He’s gonna give me
some killer alts. Check this out. Hey, buddy,
give me a good one. Uh… Ah, it’s a work
in progress. [ Exhales ] What happened
to his face? Oh, he got shrapnel in it
from an exploding car. What? Crazy day. Barely got out of
an escape room with my life, got offered the lead
of a potential franchise, and then arrested the director
on a sextuple murder charge. Packed in a lot. Did you say franchise? Potential franchise. Oh, my God.
Like Vin Diesel. Yeah. Well, kind of.
Not — maybe. It’s like not happening,
so — why talk about it? Hey, it’s okay.
I still love you. Say, “But it would be
nice to be so rich, we could treat other rich
people like garbage.” It’s a payoff —
from earlier. Come on, man,
save those gems for me. [ Cellphone pings ] Oh. Oh, my agent’s texting me. Ugh, no. Oh, God, please
don’t be firing me. Whoa, I have an audition
tomorrow morning for that
escape room movie. I thought you arrested
the director. Well, apparently, the studio
thinks it’s a good thing, like a whole new angle
on marketing or whatever. They want me
for the lead! Oh, baby! Franchise!
[ Laughs ] Yeah! Get used to seeing
this face, America! [ Laughs ] Hey, hey,
what’s up, you guys? Casting Director: Hey, Ryan.
Whenever you’re ready. Um, just real quick, can I do
this without the mask, maybe? Absolutely not. Totally fine. [ Exhales deeply ] [ Whooshing ] Hyah! Hyah! Hyah! Hyah! [ Continues whooshing ] Boof! Ah! [ Continues whooshing ] Oh! Are you okay?! Can we get a medic in here?! [ Groans ] Medic! I’m so sorry, bro.
I just can’t see in this thing. Hey, I think it’s
just a flesh wound. You should be fine. Medic!
Can we get a medic, please?! Hello! ♪♪ Man: Your brains, madam. ♪♪

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