How To Be Popular Without Trying

If you’ve ever wanted to know what personality type leads to being
beloved by men and women alike, you’re going to like this video. I started researching for this video intending to make something around Thor but I very quickly realized that the real person worth studying is Chris Hemsworth. He’s one of the greatest guys I’ve ever met. …but isn’t like the dynamic between you two when you’re on set. It’s magical. It’s really, uh… it’s sweet and it’s very nurturing. Now sweet and nurturing aren’t normally words that men used to describe other men but there are four things about Chris that seem
to truly make people love being around him. Even castmates that started out not wanting to like him end up raving about him. I just needed something to be wrong with him. And there is nothing. Nothing at all. And also for the four of you, it must be very annoying that you got to think,
“Oh, you’re very funny and here’s this hunk. He’s annoyingly funny—” And the hyper for his latest movie Thor Ragnarok is off the charts because we finally found a director that’s willing to let Chris and Thor
bleed their personalities together just like Robert Downey Jr. and Iron Man. [Applause] Yes! We know each other. He’s a friend from work. Oh, come on. Host: He’s a more you in Thor this time around.
Chris: I think so, yeah. That was the goal. And it literally transformed Thor from the worst-ranked
Marvel movie on Rotten Tomatoes to the highest. By the way, I saw the movie last night. This might be the best Marvel movie of all. I don’t know how they keep doing it. Now it’s worth saying part of his appeal is absolutely that he’s great-looking — there’s no doubt — about it but everything we talked about
today will apply to you no matter what you look like So let’s take a look at Chris’s personality and what makes him so special. First, Chris Hemsworth is hilarious. The fact that Thor Ragnarok is being called the funniest Marvel movie yet is a testament to this because the movie was mostly improvised. We’ve covered humor a lot in previous videos so this video will mostly center around other traits that are more unique to Chris Hemsworth but it’s worth noting because it’s definitely a big part of why people like him so much. Do you need Chris to lean back a little bit? Otherwise, you’re right my shot. So anyway, uh… Are we competitive? Not at all… [Host laughing] Here Chris uses a great and easy-to-use principle called Do the Opposite. You don’t want to use an abuse this but it’s an
easy fun way to be playful and make people laugh. If you want to deep dive into this type of playful self-amusing humor, I will put a link to a breakdown we did on Chris Pratt at the end of this video. Now that said, there’s one common theme in Chris’s
jokes that is definitely worth spending a minute on. He almost always chooses to put himself on the same team as other
people and he makes jokes that elevate the people around him. I lead his fanbase. I’m finally a member of that one too. They’re calling for a Loki movie. We are. Is it we now? Or how he playfully assures Chris Evans that he’s got his back and then later on, how he answers when asked the one thing that’s a must-have at a party. Evans: “Well, this is gonna sound strange but…”
Hemsworth: “Say it. Say it…” Hemsworth: God, I’m with you. I’m right here with you.
Evans: “Say it. Say it…” [Laughs] It’s Chris Evans — a must-have in a party, let me tell you. This may seem like a small thing but he doesn’t time and time again. And there are real benefits to defaulting to that type of humor. One, it makes people laugh; two, it makes your friends feel great and really like being around you; and three, you lift yourself up as well and you do it without bragging because if your friends are awesome, it stands to
reason that you must be awesome as well. I don’t want to give anything away but you’ll see this in Thor Ragnarok 2. Now, one caveat here — this has to be done right
so that you don’t look like a suck-up. We’ll go through how to walk that fine line at the end of this video. First, I want to point out two quick things about making jokes that elevate people. It’s important to keep these short. I have a friend — a really, really nice well-intentioned guy — who tries his best to do this for me whenever we go out. But he drags it on for so long that even though it starts by getting
a laugh three minutes in, it just feels try-hard and awkward. Chris Hemsworth avoids this completely by throwing in a funny
elevating joke and then moving on without dwelling on it at all. And the last point on this — it’s worth noting that he’s not like this 100% of the time. He definitely teases people but they receive it well
because he’s been complimentary in the past For example, watch Chris Evans lose his mind in this next clip. …those slide of Thor that’s so great is you bring these slightly different nuances to Thor whether he’s on Asgard or on earth or whatever you’d like. You bring new aspects whereas with Captain America, it’s like— He doesn’t have nuance. [Everyone laughs] Yes! And then he does it again as soon as they’ve gathered themselves. And then we always see Captain America evolving into his leadership role but as we see you evolving, like, more and more as— Hemsworth: [High-pitched “Yeah”]
Evans: [Bursts out in laughter] And what Chris does amazingly well is balance this playful jokester persona with another side of himself that is very genuine. I never was torturous at all so I’m incredibly proud of this. This creates depth in him and is a very powerful thing that you can do too. There are certain emotions we all share — pride after working hard, fear of not being good enough, envy of the success or achievements of others, and so on. If you can share them honestly without fear of judgment, it’s really powerful. The second thing Chris Hemsworth is incredible at is touch. Touch is something we get asked about often — how, where, when —
how do I make sure I’m not being weird or making anyone uncomfortable? Touch is incredibly important for human interaction
and I don’t just mean romantic relationships. Studies have shown it increases trust and liking amongst friends and co-workers and can even lower blood pressure, heart rate, and the stress hormone cortisol. That said, if done wrong, touch can create awkwardness and make people uncomfortable around you. I didn’t know this before making this video but Chris Hemsworth is easily one of the touchiest people I have ever seen and there are a ton of great little details about touch to learn from watching Chris. So there it is. There is your answer to who is funny in the room. Interviewer: Can I ask about that? What’s that about?
Chris: Well, I didn’t see the monitor over there, right? And I know now we’re trying to share the punch off but what it looks like is
that me and you are… really into each other and we’re on the fence here. Now I know that some people are very uncomfortable both touching others and being touched and I’m not saying you have to do this to be likable or charismatic but I am saying that it helps a lot. That said, there are three principles that will
make sure that your touch is well-received. First, be a universal toucher. Touch everyone. Obviously, not equally; certain relationships to the person will impact the level of touch but as you saw, Chris will reach out to his co-workers, his director, later you’ll see he does it to a reporter, and I even found one example here where Chris is meeting someone for the first time. It’s Paul McCartney; that’s cool. It’s pretty awesome, yeah. [Audience laughs] Becoming a universal toucher is a great habit to incorporate because it conveys confidence without much effort and without needing the conversational spotlight. Just the fact that Chris is so comfortable touching
right off the bat screams self-assured confidence. Being a universal toucher is especially important if you’re a guy. I’ve spoken to many female friends about this and there’s nothing creepier than being a woman who’s meeting a new guy who seems
to have singled you out and is touching you non-stop. Being a universally touchy person conveys warmth and confidence. Singling out one person has the potential to feel predatory. That’s actually another reason why I highly recommend
that you become a universal toucher. Start incorporating touch with your friends and family and not just when flirting because when you incorporate touch into your non-sexual relationships, you get used to touching without it being creepy or having any sexual motives. That brings me to my second touch principal — adjust where you touch and how long you touch based on your relationship to the person, how the conversation has gone, and their body language. Do they tighten and freeze up or do they welcome it? This is also going to vary extremely based on what country and culture you’re in. To highlight this, check out the difference in touch when Chris is with an acquaintance
compared to when he’s with the director he’s been working closely with for months. See you, buddy. Here we are. I can say we’re sitting a lot closer to each other than— Two cultures together — the warrior tribes in Australia, yeah. Now obviously, that’s an over-the-top example but it just highlights the importance of calibrating your touch to who you’re with. The opposite of that would be to be what I call a lingerer where you’re always touching for too long and you’re never
checking in with the person to see if they’re comfortable. I won’t explain the circumstances because he might be watching but I have an acquaintance who makes everyone around him very uncomfortable because he’ll start rubbing your shoulders or your back for way too long without checking to see if you’ve tightened up or are touching back and, spoiler, no one is ever touching back with this person. The opposite and equally awkward side of that
coin is to have a scared touch or hover hands. If you touch like you’re terrified of how the person will react it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy and is destined to be awkward. So what’s a good rule of thumb for how to touch? That’s principle number three — make it feel good. That may sound obvious to you but the way Chris touches his male friends is very different to how most men touch each other in Western society. We have a lot of aggressive overcompensating in our culture where guys will slap each other really hard on the back or punch each other in the arm. Maybe some guys just love being slapped and five-start but I think that a lot of it comes from being terrified that any sort of nice physical contact with a man will suddenly have them labeled something pejorative. Chris clearly does not share this fear. Notice how he gives a
brief massage for a second then moves his hand to Mark’s back. There’s no hesitation, it’s clearly non-sexual, and you can tell Mark is comfortable the whole time and even reciprocate. Probably not. Yeah, whole new version of the big gray monsters, you know? This segues really nicely into the third thing that Chris Hemsworth
does that makes everyone around him fall in love with him. Chris shares potentially embarrassing things about himself as if they are not a big deal and he speaks as if he is unconcerned with being judged negatively especially for not being quote-unquote manly enough. For example, here is with Jimmy Fallon where Jimmy is
basically giving Chris an alley-oop to make fun of his brother. …and I saw this photo; it’s all over the internet. This is your brother Jimmy: and he got his nails painted or something like that; what is he doing—
Chris: Yeah. And instead, when a lot of men might be embarrassed to say it, Chris shares that he also had his nails painted that day. Jimmy: Dude, what is the story behind this?
Chris: Uh, that was us painting each other’s nails, yeah. No, you didn’t. No, we didn’t. My daughter and my nieces painted everybody’s
nails so I actually had my nails painted as well. This is an incredibly charismatic trait. By sharing these things as if
they’re not a big deal, he comes across as so comfortable in his own skin. Here’s another example where he’s asked who his movie crush is. My cinematic crush? Robin Wright Penn in Princess Bride. I just watched that the other day actually. Uh, she’s just so incredibly beautiful and confident and strong and smart and witty and I love that movie. He doesn’t hesitate for a second to say those things. It screams confidence and this isn’t just limited to masculinity and femininity. This applies to anything you do where you might feel embarrassed. What’s great about committing to this is you basically only give
yourself two options in life — own what you do or don’t do it. If you decide that you’re going to stop hiding anything that you do from other people, you’ll end up living a life you’re more proud of, your confidence will skyrocket, and you’ll end up attracting the right kind of people into your life. The fourth thing Chris Hemsworth does better
than anyone I’ve ever seen is share praise. Let’s rewatch that Jimmy Kimmel clip where Jimmy says this may
be the best Marvel movie yet and watch how Chris responds. I don’t know how they keep doing it; it’s unbelievable. I’ll tell you how — it’s Taika Waititi. Chris is the title character. He plays a huge part in why the film is getting such
fantastic reviews but he doesn’t skip a beat before crediting Taika for his directing. This will be especially useful for you if you’re someone who spends time
in a team environment so this can apply to athletics, group projects, or a work environment that involves managing other people or having a manager. Selfish people who are scared they aren’t good enough will try to take all the credit for things because they think it makes them look better. This fails in two ways — one, people like humility and if you share the praise, it will make the people around you trust you when you say
who’s actually responsible or if you do deserve all the credit. And two, life is a long-term game. By sharing the praise and being complimentary, Chris creates great relationships with other people
which in turn creates a great work product. Now they all benefit because they were part of an excellent movie. This may seem to be limited only the movies or performances
but it’s really true of any job or any team. By building close relationships with your boss, you
get more leeway and a higher pay come Bonus Time. And by forming better relationships with the people
below you, you’ll get higher quality work delivered for you. Here he is again cutting off a chance to be praised
for being funny so that he can praise Taika. So who’s funnier? Wait, wait, wait. There’s a third person in this conversation. And here he is crediting Kate Blanchet and Mark Ruffalo
for bringing up his acting in Thor Ragnarok. We call it The Contact Eye. You kind of stand
near a certain person, you get kind of lifted as much as what happens when I stand next to Ruffalo. Now how does Chris make these compliments come off as genuine and not fake? I don’t know for him but for myself and everyone I’ve worked with in coach; the answer is pretty simple but it’s effective —
only compliment someone when you mean it. The second tricky part about compliments is — how do you
make someone feel good without coming across as a suck-up? You have to calibrate this to your social status
in that moment and the situation in general. That’s why a compliment from boss to employee can make an employee’s day but a compliment from employee to boss might seem
like sucking up but it also might make the boss’s day. It depends what you compliment and what comes before and after it. That’s a longer topic but I’ll link to a video on the four emotions that
create an amazing first impression that goes into it in a bit more detail. It’s part of our Charisma University program so we don’t have it on YouTube but if you click the link and drop your email
in you’ll get access to that part totally free. Putting those four emotions in the wrong order is
what leads to a compliment feeling like a suck-up. One other thing worth noting — Chris hemsworth has an amazing voice. I literally just made a video on voice so I’ll link to both that and the Chris Pratt video in the description and if you enjoyed this video, click the Subscribe button to get more like this every Monday and Thursday.

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Reader Comments

  1. Square Studios

    I just wanted to say, at first I felt weird watching YouTube videos on how to be popular and stuff, but you are actually very smart and I love your approach on things. This channel can be very good for people like me who might even like to talk to people but just have trouble in social situations. So thanks man, keep doing what you do.

  2. necro mantis

    Pretty sure being extremely gorgeous and buff as hell will make anybody have a edge. I am extremely scrawny and the guy next door face. Not much of a comparison LOL I'm like a uglier Loki

  3. necro mantis

    I would hate to be this guy's friend with the fear that I will do something that will end up being in one of his videos and I will have to find out the hard way. I could see myself watching this video and all the sudden I have a friend that last night just wouldn't shut up he kept on trying to help me but he was annoying and nobody likes that attitude that he has. I would be like holy crap that was me shoot me

  4. SuperBrendan

    A lot of people in the comments saying win the genetic lottery? Go get a haircut, eat less calories than you burn in a day for about 3-6 months and then if you’ve still got that opinion fair play. But just try that first please. 😉

  5. Your Barista

    Can anyone tell me what Chris says to Captain America around 5:10? I have no clue what he’s saying but it looks like it’s funny.

  6. The Principled Hypocrite B

    my dad is insecure because he said he didnt have a good education but he is really good with people skills everyone likes him and I think that is enough as education. I wish that is taught in schools Very proud of how being funny and genuine you are dad.

  7. Pique NY

    Be a real life Hercules! Have eyes like diamonds, a smile that will melt titanium, and a sexy accent that’s will do the trick!
    Good luck all men out there

  8. Daya Taya

    There is this old man who goes to the restaurant I used to work at, I'm very nice to everyone including him then he started coming in and he would touch my shoulder and squeeze em for a few seconds, I didn't like that at all! Next time he did that I gave him a hint a moved back right away, a brief pat on the back would had been fine, I totally understand when you say there is different kind of touch for everyone.

  9. Josh Sza6o

    Me: clicks on video to learn to be popular
    Also me: stops watching and assumes you just gotta be chill and talk with every person in the area
    Now popular me: Works!

  10. Lost in Atlantic

    immedialtely after watching this, i massaged my buddy shoulders next day while greeting and he said, i dont go both ways,back off a litle.
    fyi: dont be touchy if you are not chris hemsworth

  11. Varsha Chaudhary

    Making jokes requires effort and idk what to take form this video since I'm not the talkative kind. Nevertheless, Chris is sweet here. 😣

  12. Michael Craig

    Ok maybe the chicks like him, but why have a glamor boy as Thor? They keep doing that in movies. giving tough guy and superhero roles to little glamor boys or harmless sensitive guys. Thor should be some 6 foot 8 massive blond Scandinavian athlete, or soldier, some actual rugged out door man. Not aglamor boy either. They ruined James Bond, and Batman, too. OK I see, this has been made into comedy. Well thats cool and I suppose he is great for that role as a comedy Thor.

  13. Bri Laloca

    Bruh when I do this though people tell me I think I'm all that bruh meanwhile I'm friendly to everyone and anyone like I make friends so freaking easily that after a min you'd think I'd known u for years buttttt theres always those ppl who make a fan club for me saying I think I'm all that and I'm seen as competition

  14. tvsinesperanto

    I once met a famous woman and had my photo taken with her (I will not tell you her name) and, being a physically big (6'3") guy that doesn't want to make women nervous, I wanted to stand a respectable distance from her. I stood there waiting for the guy to take a photo and she stepped towards me, grabbed me around the waist and pulled me close. That made feel so damn good. I also have a photo of that moment. 100% Awesome! She is an amazing woman, smart, compassionate, fair-minded and TOTALLY out of my league. She married recently and I am very happy for her. Awesome woman. I wish her all the best.

  15. arank001

    there’s always something that makes me dislike the narrator or channel creator. despite being a “charisma channel” like just all of this over analyzation and how he addresses social status between others makes me aware this dude probably does this to seem more genuine but he doesn’t realize he comes off fake or rude. idk if anyone seriously follows these videos and applies to them to real life but seriously hope you ppl out there are just taking them with a grain of salt. otherwise if you really need videos like these to learn how to interact with other human beings instead of applying your experiences and your own recognition to daily life, i’m gonna bet you most likely come off as some sort of alien or douchebag.

  16. Crab lord

    I had a friend who went to England and ran into Chris at the airport. Chris stopped and offered to take pictures with him when my friend recognized him. I was sooooooo jealous.

  17. Damian Eisold

    Trait 1: Attractive by doing the opposite of being unattractived
    Trait 2: Restates others awesomeness as their talking (ego booster)
    Trait 3: Be a universal toucher, adjust touch for different culture&calibrate touch, and make it feel good.
    -shares embarrassing things about self as if their not a big deal
    Trait 4: Is Great at sharing his praise. points out director, TV station etc.

    How to not be a suckup
    -depends what you compliment and what comes before and after
    -have a amazing voice

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