Jim Jefferies Doesn’t Understand Americans


>>THIS IS EXCITING. THE SHOW IS A LOT DIFFERENT FROM LAST NIGHT.>>Jimmy: WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT.>>YOU DIDN’T PICK ON 98-YEAR-OLD WOMEN AS MUCH. VERY GOOD, YOU SHOULD HAVE HER ON THE SHOW MORE OFTEN. PROBABLY IN THE NEXT YEAR OR SO. DON’T LEAVE IT TOO LONG. ALSO, YOU HAVE CHANGED THE DRESSING ROOM USED TO HAVE CUPCAKES. SINCE YOU HAVE GOTTEN THIN, IT’S HUMMUS AND VEGETABLES. GET FAT AGAIN. GIVE ME CUPCAKES.>>Jimmy: WE DO HAVE CUPCAKES. WE DO HAVE CUPCAKE TODAY.>>PROBABLY KATHY GRIFFIN ANY MOTHER TOOK THEM.>>Jimmy: HOW ARE YOU DOING?>>I’M ALL RIGHT. CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR EMMY NOD.>>Jimmy: THANK YOU.>>I WAS IN THE SAME CATEGORY.>>Jimmy: YEAH.>>I WAS IN THE SAME CATEGORY. DIDN’T GET IN. DID YOU VOTE FOR YOURSELF?>>Jimmy: OF COURSE.>>I DIDN’T VOTE FOR MYSELF. MAYBE IT WAS ONE VOTE. MAYBE THAT’S HOW CLOSE I WAS.>>Jimmy: YOU ARE, THE SHOW IS GOING WELL. HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN ON THE AIR NOW?>>IN SEASON TWO. UP TO EPISODE 34 OR SOMETHING. WHAT EPISODE ARE YOU UP TO?>>Jimmy: IN THE LATE 1,000s.>>YEAH.>>Jimmy: HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN IN THE UNITED STATES?>>I HAVE BEEN IN AMERICA NOW NINE YEARS. I AM STILL GETTING ADJUSTED.>>Jimmy: ARE YOU REALLY? DON’T FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE ACCLIMATED?>>LOOK, LOOK ALWAYS GOING TO LIVE IN AMERICA, I HAVE AN AMERICAN CHILD. THERE ARE THINGS I WILL NEVER TAKE ON. THINGS I DON’T KNOW. I AM STILL NOT SURE WHICH ONE IS A NICKEL AND WHICH ONE IS A DIME. RIGHT? LIKE I, I DON’T KNOW WHAT, HOW, HOW MUCH THEY’RE WORTH EACH. I DON’T KNOW WHICH COIN IS WHICH. AND I LOOK, I DON’T WANT TO ACT LIKE A RICH [ BLEEP ]. I GO JUST KEEP THEM AT THE GAS STATION. KEEP THEM. I DON’T KNOW WHICH IT IS. IT’S GOTTEN SO LONG NOW THAT I CAN’T ASK ANYONE. IT’S LIKE, LIKE, YOU PROBABLY GOT EMPLOYEES YOU DON’T KNOW THE NAME OF. HEY, FELLOW. YOU’VE BEEN WORKING FOR THE GUY FOR FIVE YEARS. I CAN’T ASK NOW. IT’S TOO LATE. BUT I KNOW, I KNOW WHAT THE LITTLE TINY BROWN COIN ITS.>>Jimmy: A PENNY.>>A PENNY. THAT’S ONE. WHAT IS IT WITH YOU AMERICANS, PENNY, DIME, THE OTHER ONE?>>Jimmy: NICK M.>>JUST CALL THEM, ONE, 1, 4, 7, WHATEVER THEY ARE. I KNOW THE QUARTER. BECAUSE THEY CAME IN USEFUL WHEN I FIRST MOVED HERE. DAVE AND BUSTERS STILL TOOK A QUARTER.>>Jimmy: YOU SPENT TIME AT DAVE AND BUSTERS.>>I LOVE DAVE AND BUSTERS.>>Jimmy: DID NOT KNOW THAT ABOUT YOU?>>WHY WOULD YOU?>>Jimmy: THERE IS A NUMBER ON THE COINS. LIKE THERE IS A 5 ON THE NICKEL.>>YOU CAN READ IT.>>Jimmy: INDICATES 5 CENTS.>>WHAT’S THE USE OF THOSE THINGS. DOLLAR BILL. JUST.>>Jimmy: FEEL LIKE IT IS A PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE PROTEST AGAINST UNITED STATES.>>AMERICA HAS EVERYTHING. PEOPLE DON’T USE THE METRIC SYSTEM.>>Jimmy: WE DON’T.>>WHICH IS STUPID. LIKE YOU SHOULD WORK IN CELSIUS. FREEZING POINT IS 0. BOILING POINT IS 100. MAKES SENSE.>>Jimmy: IT DOES MAKE SENSE.>>YOUR NUMBER ITS FREEZES AT 27.6. I DON’T KNOW. RIGHT. IT IS RIDICULOUS. WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING. THE PUTTING THE MONTH FIRST. THE MONTH, THE DAY, AND THEN THE YEAR. SHOULDN’T DO THAT. SHOULD BE THE DAY FIRST. THEN, SHOULD BE THE SMALLEST AMOUNT. THE MEDIUM AMOUNT. AND THEN THE LARGEST AMOUNT. BECAUSE THE THE DAY ITS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING. WHEN SOME ONE ASKS YOU THE DATE. YOU DON’T GO, JULY — >>Jimmy: RIGHT.>>RIGHT? RIGHT. YOU SHOULD BE THE MOST IMPORTANT BIT FIRST. RIGHT, SO TODAY IS THE 12th. I DON’T BOTHER DOING IT. I STILL STICK TO ME GUNS. I THOUGHT I WAS COMING HERE IN DECEMBER. I’M SURE. I’M SURE I HAVE RUINED MANY CONTRACTS IN MY CAREER. PROBABLY LOST THEM.>>Jimmy: WHEN YOU DO THE IMMIGRATION FORMS GOING IN. I ALWAYS GET CONFUSED. YOU MIGHT BE RIGHT ABOUT THIS TOO. YOU CAN REALLY HELP US HERE. WHAT DID YOU DO BEFORE YOU WERE A COMEDIAN?>>I DON’T HAVE ANY OTHER SKILLS REALLY. SO, THE COMEDY THING IS OVER, I SAW MY LITTLE FRIEND FOR A WHILE. WHEN I WAS A KID MY PARENTS WERE VERY INTO, YOU HAVE TO HAVE A JOB AS A CHILD. IN AUSTRALIA, McDONALD’S CAN EMPLOY YOU AT 14.>>Jimmy: 16 HERE.>>I WAS WORKING WITH VATS OF OIL. 14. AUSTRALIA DOESN’T GIVE A [ BLEEP ]. THEY JUST, THEY JUST, RIGHT. AND SO, I WORKED THERE FROM 14 UNTIL ALMOST 18. WHICH WOULD BE 17. AND, AND A WHATEVER IT WAS. I LEARNED VERY QUICKLY THAT IF YOU JUST DON’T TRY VERY HARD, NO ONE WILL PROMOTE YOU. IT’S NOT LIKE McDONALD’S WOULD GIVE YOU MORE MONEY IF YOU DID WELL. YOU GET MORE RESPONSIBILITIES. SO THEY START YOU OFF ON THE FILET OF FISH STATION. I NAILED IT. NO ONE CAN MAKE FILET OF FISH BETTER THAN ME. I WOULD STAY IN THE LITTLE SECTION. EVERY NOW AND AGAIN THEY WOULD GO, JIM, WHY DON’T YOU HAVE A GO AT THE BIG MACS, CAN I SWEAR. WHAT I DO IS I [ BLEEP ] UP. THEY WOULD NEVER LET ME DO A BIG MAC AGAIN. THEY WOULD BE MOVE HIM BACK TO FILET OF FISH. NOW MY WHOLE WORLD CAME CRUMBLING DOWN WHEN THEY INTRODUCED THE CHICKEN McNUGGET. THAT BECAME THE SAME STATION AS FILET OF FISH. IT QUADRUPLED MY WORK.>>Jimmy: WOW. YEAH.>>YEAH.>>Jimmy: YEAH. YEAH.>>THEY’RE VERY POPULAR. I HEAR THEY STILL ARE AND THEY USE CHICKEN NOW. [ APPLAUSE ] BUT I ALWAYS LIKE THE VATS. BECAUSE THE IT WAS AN ARCANE SYSTEM. GIRLS ONLY ALLOWED TO WORK THE COUNTERS. THE BOYS WORKED IN THE KITCHEN. JOY REALLY?>>IF YOU WORK AT THE COUNTER AT McDONALD’S YOU HAVE TO DO THE FRIES. GIRLS HAD TO DO THE FRIES. I WAS ALWAYS NEXT TO THE OTHER 14-YEAR-OLD GIRLS. MAKING ME FILET OF FISH. I MADE THAT ONE SPECIAL. I DIDN’T GET ANYTHING. BUT A LOT OF DREAMS. ANYWAY. SO, THE FRIES AT McDONALD’S, A SENSE, MAKE THE GOLDEN ARCHES DO IT PROPERLY. YOU HAVE TO GO THAT. SO THERE IS THE RIGHT AMOUNT OF SALT OR ASBESTOS OR WHATEVER THEY PUT IN THE THING. THAT’S PROBABLY WHY THE BURGER KINGS ONE ARE SO BAD. BECAUSE THE — THE WENDY’S ONE. CHUCKING IT IN THE AIR. SO, I DIDN’T, I GOT FIRED.>>Jimmy: YOU DID?>>THE BOSS WHO I USED TO THINK WAS LIKE, LIKE AN 80-YEAR-OLD MAN. HE WAS PROBABLY 27. HE WANTED TO FIRE ME THE WHOLE TIME.>>Jimmy: WHY DID HE FIRE YOU?>>I STOLE A NUGGET. I, I, HAD A NUGGET IN ME MOUTH. HE GOES, WHAT’S IN YOUR MOUTH. I’VE WENT, NOTHING, NOT A NUGGET. HE GOES, I’VE GOT YOU. I’VE CAUGHT YOU, YOU ARE FIRED. I GRABBED A HAND FULL OF NUGGETS IN MY MOUTH, FEW MORE IN MY POCKETS. GAVE HIM THE FINGER AND GOT OUT OF THERE.>>Jimmy: LOAD UP ON NUGGETS. GET THE HELL OUT.>>THE McDONALD’S IS STILL THERE. GO TO VIZ MVISIT MY PARENTS. HE IS A PICKY EATER, [ BLEEP ], PICKY EATER. THEY’RE THE WORST. PARENTS FRY TO ACT LIKE, IT’S THE CHILD THAT’S THE PICKY EATER. AND IT’S NOT THEIR FAULT. LIKE MY CHILD IS SUCH A PICKY. IF, YOU ARE A PARENT AND-UP HAVE A CHILD THAT IS A PICKY EATER IT IS COMPLETELY YOUR FAULT. RIGHT. IT’S COMPLETELY YOUR FAULT. I HAVE BEEN TO ASIA, SEEN LIKE A KID EATING A CHICKEN’S ED LIKE AN APPLE. RIGHT? I’VE SEEN THAT IN AN ALLEY WAY. AND THE MOTHER IS NOT LIKE, OH, HE ONLY EELATS CHICKEN HEADS. THAT’S HAUL HE WANTS. HE WON’T TOUCH ANYTHING ELSE. HE IS STRICTLY, CHICKEN HEADS AND MAC AND CHEESE. ANYWAY, SO I HAD TO GO BACK TO McDONALD’S, MY KID LIKED CHICKEN NUGGETS. MY KID’S FAVORITE CHICKEN NUGGETS ARE CHICK-FIL-A. NOW YOU KNOW WE LIVE IN L.A. YOU, KNOW HOW IT IS. YOU ARE NOT MEANT TO SORT OF EAT AT CHICK-FIL-A. A THING, BECAUSE THEY GIVE A LOT OF MONEY TO ANTI-GAY GROUPS, TRY TO STOP GAY MARRIAGE, PRAY THE GAY AWAY CAMPS KIND OF STUFF. MY KID’S FAVORITE CHICKEN. SO, SO I EAT CHICK-FIL-A AS WELL. AND I GOT TO TELL YOU, JEEZ IT IS GOOD CHICKEN. I KNOW. I KNOW. I WANT TO SUPPORT THE GAYS AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE. BUT UNTIL THEY CAN MAKE A COMPARATIVE CHICKEN. SO, ANYWAY.>>Jimmy: LISTEN, A CHALLENGE. HOPEFULLY THEY WILL ACCEPT IT.>>PUT IT OUT THERE.>>Jimmy: YOU ARE FUNNY. THE NETFLIX SPECIAL, BY THE WAY, COMES OUT RIGHT NOW. JUST RELEASED ON NETF LICHLT.

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Reader Comments

  1. sailormanariel

    Has the head of Chick-fil-a come out of the closet yet? If anyone sees him on Fire Island or Provincetown or Key West in tank top, short shorts, and cowboy boots please post a pic. Thank you.

  2. Rachel Rogers

    Fahrenheit is better. You can feel 1 degree in Fahrenheit, but 1 degree in Celsius is a big change. And the water argument is stupid, because who cares what temperature water freezes or boils at? No one sets the temperature to those levels. They just look at the thing they're cooling or heating. For science use Celsius, for daily living and weather Fahrenheit makes way more sense.

  3. ApocalypseSkies

    I started working at 13 lol it's only 16 in America to get legally paid. I was paid under the table for the first 3years. By the time I was a senior in high school I had 2 jobs and 2 years key holding experience lol Australias got the right idea

  4. i cant splel

    i actually prefer Fahrenheit over Celsius system. when will i ever need to know the freezing point of water? i look on thermostat, if its 100 degrees im staying home, if its 0 degrees im staying home. easy enough

  5. Adam Duncan

    when you look at a calendar you look for the month first, then the day… No the day then the month. Also, if you dont know what year its is then you are hopeless.

  6. G Pother Illowhite

    IMO, another reason it should be DD/MM/YY is that the Month is fairly easy to remember, & remembering the Year is even easier (to the point where it quickly becomes a given for quite a while). But the Day changes the most frequently, & thus should be the most prominent increment. Of course, the order should be reversed when researching the past, YY/MM & maybe include Day.

    Another format the US hasn't really adopted is 24 hr., despite it being common elsewhere. It too is more accurate, being that there are 24 hrs in a day. It also doesn't need letters such as AM & PM (or is that a.m. & p.m.?) tacked on as the hourly increments for the 24-hr format do not repeat in the same day.

    🤓

  7. harry b

    Americans are more comfortable around people of limited intellect. Most muricans never took chemistry in school, refused to learn basic science and still believe in 2000 year old fairy tales. Then we elected an African man with a funny sounding name, and horrors he was smarter than them. They lost their collective micro cephalitic brains. They feed these sub human creatures engineered foods, corn syrup and myriads of mind controlling drugs. Antidepressants, mood stabilizers, opiates, benzos, antipsychotics and don’t forget your sugar pills. Muricans are the walking dead.

  8. Azarus

    Celsius doesnt make much sense, especially when it can be another actual degree out in Fahrenheit but be the same degree celsius with a decimal. That's not logical to have decimals

  9. Robert Denham

    Americans don't understand Americans. Take any one from south Florida and put them in New York. Take any one from Beverley Hills and put them on a Texas ranch.

  10. Yomper

    In short Americans are a bit thick. I love Americans I think it's the number one country in the world but can be so dense but in any situation I want America by my side on behalf of the UK
    No we dont need you but would hope you stand by us as we do you

  11. Jack O'Jack

    I'm European and I lived in the states, I couldn't understand the measurements, half a dozen, you mean 6? Pounds, feet and inches, Fahrenheit, everything sounded approximate, more or less, about, the metric system is simple and precise, 10 centimeters is a decimeter, 100 centimeters is a meter, a thousand meters is a kilometer, it's so much easier than 12 inches is foot and 5280 feet is a mile, Jesus, go to the metric system, you'll love it.

  12. Warren Quist

    Am I the only one who noticed the Jimmy Kimmel doesn't know sh*t about American Currency either? None of the American coins have a cent value imprinted on them. The nickel does not have a "5" or "Five Cents" on it nor do any of the other coins. They have a President on the front, and a monument on the back. That's it. There are no smart people in late night TV anymore.

  13. Robert Cavalier

    Jim is very funny!  I like him.  He's perceptive.  His overseas affiliations make him even more entertaining.  * Cav *

  14. Automat-Pra-Ta-Tat

    Jim Jefferies is the most funny when he's candid, like the deleted footage from that interview with Ari whatever his name, the meth loving, muslim hating australian hebrew.

  15. Bacca Mafia

    I love it when foreigners complain that our American units don’t make since because they aren’t intuitive, not realizing that they weren’t raised on it. The metric or IS system works for engineering and physics, but otherwise it doesn’t freaking matter.

  16. Leslie Starck

    In my household you ate what was on your plate and if you didn't 2 possible things would happen and did. First, you got a smack right there and then, and second grounded for a 1 week. Conclusion, we ate what was on our plates. My Father was a good man and worked damn hard so we had want for little, same goes for my mom. So some respect because one day you will have kids.

  17. Protectobot

    I work at McDevil's and if you're under 18 in the U.S., you can't do the cooking (at least for the grill; not sure about the vats for frying foods haha). The countertops can be heated for making sandwiches though and minors can do that in the kitchen, but obviously they have to have someone that's not a minor to help them to do the cooking 😛 As if they're TOO DUMB to cook without getting burned, and you don't have control over that always, anyway, cos grease can drip off the top of the grill after it opens and you're picking up the grilled foods with the spatulas.

  18. Quintin Quintous

    Jimmy did not miss the opportunity to remind jim he had to sign the immigration form.
    Take it easy jimmy, those are just jokes

  19. Luke Chandra

    Americans have a retarded temperature scale, retarded weights and measures, retarded month/day/year way of recording the date.
    They're stuck in the retarded system and don't want to change it.
    No wonder they have a retarded way of electing a president that results in the loser winning

  20. goldtone23

    This dude is hilarious. I'm this was suggested to me. I don't even know who Jimmy Kimmel is 🤷🏿‍♂️ Thanks SkyNet 😃👍🏿

  21. Trudy Bass

    America; please keep Fahrenheit and imperial. Make sure you learn celcius and metric. We all need both, as metric is a measurement between the lines of imperial. Sincerely Steve Gaston

  22. Kenneth O'Connell

    Actually, Fahrenheit is also a centigrade scale, just zero and 100 are a bit obtuse. Fahrenheit chose the freezing point of sea water as his zero, and the 100 is the boiling point of blood. Ah, I hear you say, we get temperatures of over a hundred in the human body. This is because the bloody blood is under pressure! When a person dies, say of malaria, death came because the blood boiled.

  23. Cornlips 4

    Two Jims one is packed full of talent and the other is successful. 😆
    For real this was hilarious and they are both hugely entertaining people.
    You can work at mcdonalds in the United states at 14 as well. Jimmie has not been 14 in a long while so I will not fault him for forgetting. lmao

  24. Ryan Smith

    In some places the number system is based on 20 (5 fingers per hand + 5 toes per foot instead of 5 fingers multiplied by 2). This often makes things complicated.

  25. Joseph Cavanagh

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  26. b c

    Jam, yer American accent is great, I wish you could prank call random humans. Keith Moon was here. Jimi Hendrix was here. John Wick was here.
    HULK MAKE AMERICA GREEN AGAIN

  27. Nate The Great Horror Fan

    Best part about mcfonalds noq is you can literally make ur own sandwich and not pay for it, u can take nuggets as well

  28. Nicholas Torres

    He is so mediocre and disgusted in the country he tries to appeal to. He is such a dusty, one trick pony and he seems unhappy with most things.

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