Man Who Survived Jump From Golden Gate Bridge Shares His Story

– At the age of 17 I
developed bipolar disorder, a very severe form. It nearly cost me my life, and nearly destroyed my family. (slow music) My parents were in the middle of getting a divorce at the time. It was a tumultuous time
for my life as a teen, and I believed that I was the only one under that cloud, but that’s, that’s so far from the truth, so far from fact. 50 million people around the world diagnosed mentally ill. So many more undiagnosed, but that have the diseases that are in their brains. I don’t wanna have this disease. I don’t wanna be flawed. Bipolar disorder, that’s not me. I was a wrestling champion in
the WCL league in California, there’s no way. My football team went to state, this is garbage. And I was in so much denial, and that denial ruled the day, until I crashed, hard. And it was September 24th, when it all came to a head. I sat at my desk and I penned that note, “Mom, Dad, Brother, Sister,
Girlfriend, Best Friend, love you but I gotta go.” I was gonna go to the Golden Gate, and I was gonna disappear. I thought I was my family’s burden. I wish I asked them. I just wanted the pain to stop. That’s the common denominator with people who lose to suicide, they just want the pain to stop, but what they don’t realize is that their thoughts don’t have to become their actions. Their thoughts don’t have to take over, if you can recognize those thoughts as flawed and illogical because suicide is an
irrational state of mind. You think you have to die, but you don’t really want to. You know I found myself in my
father’s room that morning, I startled him awake, he looked at me, he said, “Kev, what’s wrong?”, like with parental instinct. I said, “Nothing Dad, I just want to tell you that I love you.” It was for the very last time. He goes, “I love you too Kev, but it’s six in the morning, and I don’t gotta be to work til nine, go back to bed.” I walked around to the
other side of the bed, I sat on the carpeted floor, and I rocked myself
back and forth in tears begging myself to tell the one man who loves me the most
in the world the truth, but the voice in my head said, “Be quiet Kevin, you have to die.” And that’s what took me to
the Golden Gate that morning. I took a bus there, and on that bus all I wanted to do was
scream and beg for help and live, but the voice became so loud. I sat on that bus in the
back row middle seat, I’m crying my eyes out like a baby, mucous dripping from my nose, people staring at me now,
then I’m yelling aloud at the voices in my head. I desperately wanted someone
to say, “Are you okay?” I would have told them everything. (soft music) Fear. Apathy. There was a guy to my left, said to the fellow next to him, while pointing at me with his thumb, “What the hell is wrong with that kid?” with a smile on his face. Apathy, that’s his or her
problem but it ain’t mine. The bus got to the bridge,
I sat there crying. Bus driver turned, he stood, he looked at me and he said, “Kid, come on, get off
the bus, I gotta go.” I walked across the walkway
of the Golden Gate Bridge for 40 minutes, up and
down, back and forth, crying like a baby. Bikers, joggers, tourists, runners, they all went by me. Police officers searching
for suicidal people went by me twice. I’m leaning over the
rail crying like a baby, they went by me twice, nobody cares. And the voice in my head said, “Jump now”, and I did. At the millisecond that
my hands left that rail, instant regret for my actions. And the absolute recognition, that I just made the
greatest mistake of my life. You know falling head first, right as my body accidentally landed in a position that wouldn’t kill me. On the way down I said to myself, What have I just done?
I don’t want to die. God please save me.”,
and then I hit the water. I went down 70 feet beneath
the water’s surface, but I opened my eyes,
my legs I couldn’t move. I had shattered my T12,
L1, and L2 lower vertebrae into chards like glass. I had missed severing my spinal cord by two millimeters. I swam to the surface only using my arms. When I came to the surface, bobbing up and down in the water, swallowing salt water, kept going down, couldn’t stay afloat. A woman driving by in her
red car saw me go over and she called her friend
in the Coast Guard. The reason the Coast Guard got to my body within less than the time I was hitting hypothermia and drown, was because of that woman
making that phone call. The Coast Guard arrived, they fished me out of the water, they put me on a flat board, they put a neck brace around my neck, and they started asking
me a bunch of questions. The guy looks at me, he
leans in, and he says, “Kid, do you know how many people we pull out of this water
that are already gone?” And I said, “No, and I don’t wanna know.” And he said, “Well I’m gonna tell you. This unit has pulled 57 dead
bodies out of this water, and one live one.” (slow music) I looked up at my dad and
I said, “Dad, I’m sorry.” And he looked down at me
and with great conviction he said, “No Kevin, I’m sorry.” And waterfalls flew from his eyes. He put his hand on my forehead and he said words I’ve never forgotten, “Kevin, you are going
to be okay, I promise.” And that got me through the night. Now I had this opportunity to recover. And a lot of people think
that I went from this incident and was like, “Oh, I’m
so much better now.” You know, oh great, it’s all gone. No, this was just the beginning. (soft music) In the first three psych
ward stays, involuntary, forced in against my will. But those next four, I
found self awareness, I found the ability to say, “I’m gonna accept that
I have this disease, I’m gonna fight it tooth and nail, I’m gonna beat it one day at a time.” And that’s what I’ve been doing. Exercising everyday,
eating healthy most days, educating myself about bipolar disorder, being able to utilize all of those things, work them into a regimen, a routine, that helps keep me here. The common denominator of recovery from mental illness is routine. There are so many things we can do that are not clinically based for all the people that don’t get clinical care. If you can train your body
and your mind to wake up at the same time, go to
bed at the same time, take your pills at the same time, if you’re on medication which
helps some people, not all. Train your body and mind
to eat at the same times, roughly within a two hour period everyday, workout even as simple
as 23 minutes a day, that leads to 12 hours of better mood, your 8 second hugs wherever you can, 8 second hugs release
endorphins in the brain that make you feel better. I thought that I had one chance, one choice, one burden to take care of, I had to die, and I was wrong. Learn from me. Know that your thoughts don’t have to become your actions. You were not meant for this world, to leave it by way of suicide too soon. But one thing you can never do, one thing you should never do, is silence your pain. I silenced my pain for years, I buried it deep down inside me like so many people do, and I lost myself. And it came out in a burst of rage against myself that led me to attempt to take my life. I want you to learn from me, suicide is not the answer, and you deserve to be here, for you. But your pain is valid, your pain is real, and your pain matters because you do. No matter what you think
about how you aren’t valued or you’re worthless, it’s not the truth. You have to find a way
to turn back to logic, logic says that, “I do get to live, you matter, you’re
beautiful, we need you.” Please, be here tomorrow.

Posts Tagged with…

Reader Comments

  1. breny3

    Those voices in his head- demons. They wanted to take him to hell. He was saved by the Lord when he called out to him before he hit the water. He’s been given another chance to seek the Lord and give his life to Christ. Thats the most important thing in this life. Mental illness goes away when you form a relationship with Christ. The lord promises a sound mind to those who love and follow him.

  2. Replica Films

    Whats really sad is the moment they fall instant regret and fear some people think they have already decided but they havent No one has No one truelly wants to die and thats the creepy thing the fact these people regret it immidiately……..Dont think im blaming you guys but…….WHY DO WE ALLOW THIS!!!???

  3. hayden hayden

    he was at my school today and hopefully helped people that were in depression or going through a hard time and wanting to end his/her life. very inspirational.

  4. Shaneca René

    OMG I am so heartbroken listening to this..I have bipolar and I understand that feeling of hopelessness..I was diagnosed 21yrs ago when I was 21..I had serious mood swings and just like him I was in total denial..I remember when I was 25 and my son was 9 my daughter 3mos and I was holding her and thinking this will be the last time I see son came to me and said mama don't cry things will be Ok..little did he know this was going to be the last time I see him too..he hugged me so tight and next thing I know my mom is unlocking my front door..she takes my daughter and asked what was wrong your son called and said something is wrong with mama come right away..I knew I had to say something but I also knew I wanted the depression to end..I looked at my children and thought their memory of me would be I was selfish and they weren't daughter wouldn't even remember me..I told my mom everything and we got help that day..21yrs later I'm doing better but each day is a son is now 27 and my daughter will be 18 in October..I'm so glad I decided to live instead of being a painful memory of suicide to my loved one..please If anyone reading this is going thru suicidal thoughts reach out to someone..death is so permanent and once you're gone you're gone..God bless 🙏🙏🙏

  5. Maxwell Lloyd-Eriksen

    All your word's spoken true, thank's for sharing your story. It takes a lot for us to share how we feel dealing with our thoughts in not wanting to live, like a comment below says: It's not that we want to die, we don't want to live! That's the same thing though, right? We all have our own ways of thinking of it though, and thoughts can control our actions. Except when people don't comment, like you, or notice you… It is a bunch of empathy! People don't want to stop what their doing for one second to see what's wrong, because they do know, they just don't know what to say, and know it's up to each of us to find what we want in life. That's ignorant though of being human, for if people shared in what they did, it could maybe inspire someone not knowing what they can do. That's where I am right now, needing enthusiasm. I'm partially disabled, not wanting to deal with anyone, and knocking on heaven's door from not being brave enough to walk through death's door. Even though i'd take a life for another's if I didn't have to do it myself. I keep control of my thoughts through pray, meditation and time to see if thing's will change; but they haven't from us needing to find it. In March I was twelve stories in a hotel ready to jump off a balcony, but I knew for some reason God would keep me alive for whatever purpose. It's difficult to see though when you are alone in the dark and blurred by so many grays of people who are not wanting to be a friend and help. Is it our fault or their fault? How do you make the future if you have screwed it up with your past and now? My mental illness says I want to die and not live, they're not separate, but he gets 900 likes for the comment, i'll still get one or none. It's like I am invisible so why not go through with it and become a ghost I seek truth of? I've tried giving peace to unrested places along the Eastern part of America since my mom passed in 2017 to try to become at peace, but it didn't work from me not wanting life. I'm told my physical pain stays from that. Well give me something that will make me happy! Maybe feeling loved? I could continue, but i've quit crying. I just want direction to what i'm meant for. Why do we keep trying what we fail if it's what we want?✌❤

  6. frubical

    I dont want anyone too ask if im ok tho, I dont see anyway too live or die in peace either way I suffer she wont come back you cant heal me mentally and physically nothing can put the peices back together I am not suicidal But Id be thankful for not waking up for not having too struggle too breathe or pretend I am alright, maybe she would miss me maybe people would value my words no one takes you serious , I dont flock for attention I only want one person how can anyone cure that, no one can replace her my lifes ended long before I die at age 25 their is merely a hollow shell, the man is gone the joy has left all purpose lost, loving has its cost, too live I suffer too die my family suffers lifes suffering and I dont see a way out.

  7. Detroit Holly

    September 24th is my birthday and I'm here because I struggle every waking hour with wanting to die. But in reality I don't want to die , I want the pain to stop. I have ptsd from abuse and from the suicide of my child's father in my home. It never ends and there is no real support or help. I'm here to find answers to find people like me. To feel not so alone. No one around me understands. They say get out of your head, get over it, just smile , others have it worse. They hear my cries and roll their eyes or shake their head or yell. They watch me die every single day a little more. The suicide prevention lines are always full , the hospitals always about money and neglectful. I raise two autistic sons who need me and I suffer every single day for them to have me around.

  8. The Unknown Gamer

    Fear and apathy always warm my heart when I read about the drunk driver that gets 6 months to 2 years for killing a pedestrian while the less than one ounce weed possession is a 5 year sentence. People might care about the sobbing kid on the bus if almost every person on the ride was NOT screaming, smelling of urine, throwing stuff, telling your to F OFF, etc,. on a daily basis…great, your Darwin Award was taken back. Go back to living in fear with all of we sheeple.

  9. sven sven

    Man my parents always fighting too and I'm being bullied is school because im a very thin kid they making fun of me and I don't know what to do anymore. Sometimes i question God why is my life like this.

  10. Elijah Compton

    Brother I don't know that I'm gonna get better
    And I bet my 300 lbs ass would fly straight to the bottom from that fall
    Id say forgive me if thats harsh but I just dont want to care anymore
    Nothing is worth it in this world
    You say family
    I say a chain to keep me churning in a world I've given up on
    Yes I love them but love isn't even real
    Why did i type this

  11. Andrew Tattooske

    I don't know you but I want to tell you. I am glad your still here and you are my Brother. I love you and you helped me by your story. God bless you !!

  12. Something You Said

    I haven't allowed a suicidal thought to come into my mind yet. Even so, I recognize that one is right there waiting to. One is right there wanting to. It's a thoroughly bad business, this existence of mine. I'm wishing to God that the sperm cell that fertilized my mother's egg had been one of the other 300 million that didn't. That's 300 million lucky bastards who will never have to know just how close they came. Talk about being let off the ultimate hook. I can only regret that I wasn't one of them. Oh well, no use crying over spilled sperm.

  13. tutsy bassista

    What an amazing story! You are one lucky man. How are you doing now? Your story clearly wasn't over yet. Even my 83 year old mom cried when I showed her your story. 💝

    What people don't understand is it's a lot harder to kill yourself than people think. I know-I survived 3 should've been FATAL suicide attempts. My husband kicked me out of my home and filed for DIVORCE and SOLE CUSTODY of our 2 daughters. NO WARNING! I couldn't even 💋 my girls when I left.

    I thought I'd NEVER see them again. I'm also CATHOLIC and this was a contested divorce. So, I thought that if I died, I could be with them "In Spirit." 👼 👼 Now, I'm 3 years STABLE (I have Schitoaffective Disorder bipolar type) I won my own Modification (Pro se), and the judge even let me take my girls to Sunday School and they received their 1st Communion last year! The judge threw out the requirement (Both of us needed joint custody and agree on this) and the judge said that church is a positive activity, a public space, and bonding time for the 3 of us! 💒

    Sorry, I'm not done yet, but my sleeping pill is kicking in. To post is YouTube's way of saving. I'll be back!…

  14. Makaila Hylton

    What a beautiful person! I am so sorry you ever felt this way. You are not alone❤️
    Anyone reading this stay strong and hold on. It gets better

  15. Isaac

    “Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:6,7

  16. SilentHotdog28

    I think it's something like 99% of people that survive a suicide attempt such as jumping say they regret it as soon as they jump. Please people, don't do it, don't commit suicide, you matter, you aren't a burden, get help because people will help.

  17. idan willenchik

    Oh man.Two years before this happened to Kevin I jumped from the window of my apartment on the fourth floor.I suffer from depression,I have anger issues and I have OCD.I was given pills that made my life hell.I couldn't sit still for a minute,I had to walk around all the time,I was so restless.I didn't get any sleep and I did this crazy thing just to end my suffering.Luckily there were no internal injuries. I did break an arm and a leg and had several operations performed on me.I couldn't walk but roughly in a period of about three months of intense physical and occupational therapy I was back on my feet and physically well enough.My memory was intact except for that entire day until I woke up in the hospital. I didn't break any of my teeth.It was as if God somehow placed a blanket where I landed to break my fall.I couldn't bear the thought of me being crippled for life.I was 23 at the time and turned 24 during my hospitalization.Luckily everything was reversable and through sheer willpower and determination I was released from the hospital well enough physically. Life has been enourmously kind once but it hasn't been as kind since I do my very best but it's still a very hard and tough road ahead.I haven't attempted any form of suicide since but I do have suicidal thoughts every so often.Life has this way of bringing us down. I have no job,I have no girlfriend,I'm overweight and I have serious issues dealing with stress. There isn't always a happy ending but videos like this give me hope that although I'm 45 today peace of mind will someday find me and so will some form of acceptance and contentment if not happinesss.I do try to make my life as comfortable and peaceful as I can. If you're watching this and you are struggling please talk to your friends,your family or seek professional help.Kevin was lucky,I was lucky .You may be lucky too but most likely you won't and it's not worth testing in any way. I have a family that supports me, a family that accepts me as I am, that understands my pain and my limitations.It's not always easy but it does get easier.Please learn from our experiences. Be here tomorrow cause tomorrow may bring you all the things you wish for and deserve..Doing your best is more than enough.Bless you all!

  18. ahlia Penglase

    This story inspires my feelings yeah I have horrible feelings sometimes but i know now my life isn’t the hardest out there no one deserves to take there life at any point of time of your life tho you can always reach out to me I’m a young kid making awareness and trying to take a stand do u think I always get listened to of course not but I know that the people that ask for help the will be the first people I help you don’t deserve to be ignored you deserve everything Kevin ❤️I’ve experienced friends attempting suicide at the front of my eyes people attempting it didn’t work but to this day I’m worried every day of what actions she’s gonna make suicide is just 1half of what people do towards cyber bullying well it’s classified as suicide but it’s also called cyber bullying at a different level tho I might not be making sense right now I want you to know that you deserve to be here make it last that your here now even tho you might be suffering with injuries yiur still here for a reason you were pulled out alive for a reason but don’t ever attempt it again cause this story is so inspirational ❤️

  19. useless trash

    i was 10 years old when i first attempted suicide because my god sister did it and now i am 12 years old and fighting my depression i have been sent to the mental hospital two times and i am taking anti-depressants. My last suicide attempt was 3 months ago and that was my worst one…. my sister called 911 and the police came knocking on my door 2 oclock and then the cop said " is there a girl named Bella ratt here" then my mom was like "yeah" then the cop came in to my room he was asking me so much questions then when we where done talking he put me in the back of his cop truck then proceded to drive me to the clinic then i got anm IV then i got sent to the hospital

  20. Whirrlybird 01

    But this man is actually meant to do something. His personality is fantastic obviously while I'm worth absolutely nothing, that's why I feel like these people don't understand.

  21. blanckieification

    We live in a sick society but for most people it is not clear enough yet. I wonder what will make you realize it. It is not the persons who are sick, it is society.

  22. Livia Wandt

    I can't put in words how amazed and wowed I am by this man. The getting up, fighting and being strong every single day. I don't know if I could do that if I had Bi Polar

  23. Whirlpool Company

    base jumping is free and so is adrenaline but concrete is a one way ticket, thanks for insisting fitness , good luck with your recovery id imagine it was a near death experience…you should join the military. consider me unalike and its probably better or worse than splash, aka splat…👺👹🤔 nice t-shirt.

  24. Fee Mac

    Kevin Hines is a remarkable young man. He works tirelessly, jetting around the globe to speaking engagements. He talks without notes, ipad, teleprompter, script, or earpiece. He is the quintessential motivational speaker and really cares that no more lives are given up to suicide. Kevin Hines saves lives for a living, so read his novel, "Cracked Not Broken." And #BeHereTomorrow

  25. mommaLaughing

    Kevin, you are such a powerful speaker, sharing your own experience – seeing this, hearing your words…will make a life changing difference for many people I am sure.

  26. Neo cortex

    Don’t miss the point that the culprit here is society. Most people have no heart or care for others but themselves. We are not human anymore…disconnected from each other from what made us the most dominant and successful species on earth. Communication and cooperation. When he said the guy in the bus who laughed at him when he was crying in pain made me remember how horrible some people are and my personal experiences of it. We live in a sad time of division and apathy.

  27. Brian Friesen

    I so much appreciate what Kevin says, that truth is the most important thing! Jesus said, "then you will know the truth, and the truth shall make you free." When we deny truth, our lives get so messed up. Embracing truth, not just "your truth", but THE truth, will bring freedom and healing!

  28. selkie thendless

    psilocybin mushrooms are the cure you've been searching, pharmaceutical companies hide that truth for making a profit from antidepressants that make the patients addicted and raise the dosage until i'ts the maximum and doesn't have any effect.

  29. Hayley bourgault

    For some reason you lived, usually nobody does who jumps from that bridge.
    The reason you did is because there is something you have to do in life.
    I think you found it. I wish you all the happiness life has to offer.

  30. Ebony Eclipse

    When he says "voices in my head"…. is he talking about his own disturbed thoughts? or actual voices in his head like Schizoaffective disorder?

  31. Meh_luvs_Gacha! !

    I'm suicidal, and if my family/friend/a random person was also suicidal, I would help them. I want to help them because I hate this feeling, and I don't want them to be like this. I want to help them block out the pain with REAL happiness before it drives them to die Nobody deserves to die (unless you're me). If you are reading this, if you need someone to talk to, I'm here. I'm here for you. I'm ready to listen to you, and I'm ready to be your friend.❤️

  32. davidca96

    Glad you got a second chance bud, sadly most people dont and that split second when they cannot turn back they actually wish they hadnt done it.

  33. Edward Hussar

    Thank You Kevin for sharing, so happy for you that you are here with us and yes you are an inspiration to so many that you have the awareness and have gotten a second chance at life. May God Bless you and may you walk in peace and harmony for the rest of your life!

  34. Miguel Gonzalez

    1,000,000 People take their own life every year around the world. You only get one chance and one life please don’t take your own life.

Write a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *