New GoFundMe Project: A Border Wall


WELCOME TO “THE LATE SHOW,”
EVERYBODY. I’M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT. I’LL TELL YOU, THE DARNED STORMY
DANIELS SCANDAL JUST WILL NOT GO AWAY FOR DONALD
TRUMP, NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES HE CLEARS HIS BROWSER HISTORY.( LAUGHTER )
I HAVE THE LATEST, SALACIOUS
LEGAL MOTIONS IN TONIGHT’S
“STORMYWATCH.”( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
HUGE DEVELOPMENTS YESTERDAY,
WHEN STORM’ ATERNAL–
( LAUGHTER )
STORMY DANIELS’ INTERNAL
ATTORNEY, MICHAEL AVANETTI, FILED A MOTION SEEKING TO DEPOSE
PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP AND HIS LAWYER MICHAEL COHEN. THAT MEANS TRUMP IS GOING TO
HAVE TO ANSWER A LOT OF UNCOMFORTABLE QUESTIONS UNDER
OATH LIKE, “DID YOU HAVE AN AFFAIR WITH STORMY DANIELS?”
AND, “IS THIS NOW OR HAS IT EVER BEEN YOUR PENIS?”
( LAUGHTER )
NOW, AVENATTI SAYS THAT HE
“INTENDS TO PROVE THAT THE HUSH AGREEMENT DID NOT HAVE A LAWFUL
OBJECT OR PURPOSE.” OH, HOW DARE YOU? OF COURSE THIS AGREEMENT HAS
A LAWFUL PURPOSE. IT HAS GIVEN ANDERSON COOPER
HUNDREDS OF HOURS OF STORMY DANIELS’ RAW CLEAVAGE FOOTAGE.( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
AND WOLF BLITZER IS EVEN WORKING
ON HIS STORMY DANIELS
IMPRESSION.>>TECHNICALLY, I DIDN’T SLEEP
WITH THE POTUS 12 YEARS AGO. THERE WAS NO SLEEPING. HA, HA.( LAUGHTER )
>>Stephen: “THERE WAS NO
SLEEPING, HA, HA, BUT IT APPEARS
SHE AND THE PRESIDENT TOOK THE EXPRESS TRAIN TO BONE TOWN. ANDERSON, THIS IS OUR LIFE NOW.”( LAUGHTER )
THE ODD THING IS THAT TRUMP HAS
NOT MADE ANY PUBLIC COMMENTS. HE HASN’T EVEN TWEETED ABOUT IT. ONE FRIEND SAYS THAT THE
PRESIDENT IS “NOT IN PUNCH-BACK MODE.” YES, TRUMP ONLY HAS A FEW
SETTINGS. THERE’S “PUNCH BACK,” THERE’S
“LIE,” “SELF-PROMOTE,” AND “POPCORN.”( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
THE PACKAGING SAYS, “DON’T USE
THE POPCORN SETTING.” BUT I DO. INSTEAD OF TWEETING ABOUT
STORMY, YESTERDAY, TRUMP RETWEETED HIMSELF FROM LAST
WEEKEND AFTER HE SIGNED THE GOVERNMENT BUDGET. “BECAUSE OF THE $700 AND $716
BILLION GOTTEN TO REBUILD OUR MILITARY, MANY JOBS ARE
CREATED AND OUR MILITARY IS AGAIN RICH. BUILDING A GREAT BORDER WALL,
WITH DRUGS– POISON– AND ENEMY COMBATANTS POURING INTO OUR
COUNTRY IS ALL ABOUT NATIONAL DEFENSE. BUILD WALL THROUGH M!”
WHAT DOES– WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
WHAT DOES THAT– I DON’T–
WHAT DOES “M” STAND FOR?( LAUGHTER )
BUILD WALL THROUGH MEXICO?
THEY’RE NOT GOING TO LIKE THAT. BUILD WALL THROUGH MONEY? THROUGH MELANIA’S ROOM? BECAUSE I’M PRETTY SURE– I’M
PRETTY SURE SHE’D PAY FOR THAT AT THIS POINT. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
WELL, THE GREAT “M” MYSTERY– OR MMMMYSTERY– HAS BEEN SOLVED. TURNS OUT, IT STANDS FOR
MILITARY, BECAUSE THE PRESIDENT WANTS TO TAKE THIS MONEY OUT OF
THE PENTAGON BUDGET. THE PENTAGON? MEXICO IS SUPPOSED TO PAY FOR
THIS. IT SHOULD COME OUT OF THE
“CINCO-GON.”( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )
BUT– BUT– THANK YOU. PEOPLE LOVE SPANISH JOKES. PEOPLE–
( APPLAUSE )
BUT IF THE MILITARY WON’T PAY
FOR IT, PEOPLE CLOSE TO THE PRESIDENT HAVE SUGGESTED– AND
I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP– CREATING A GOFUNDME CAMPAIGN. LAUGH.>>Jon: HOW THEY GOING TO DO
THAT?>>Stephen: YES, YES, A
KICKSTARTER. YES, OUR NATIONAL SOVEREIGNTY
WILL BE SECURED WITH THE SAME URGENCY THAT FUNDED THE
“VERONICA MARS” MOVIE. FOR AS FOUNDING FATHER NATHAN
HALE SAID, ” “I REGRET I HAVE BUT $15 TO FIND
OUT IF SHE ENDED UP WITH LOGAN. #TotesAdorable.” NOW, IF YOU’RE NOT FAMILIAR WITH
GOFUNDME, LET ME USE A REAL, ACTIVE GOFUNDME CAMPAIGN TO
EXPLAIN HOW THIS WOULD WORK. THIS IS THE ACTUAL GOFUNDME PAGE
RAISING MONEY FOR FLAW’S NEW TOURING VEHICLE. FLAW IS A BAND. I DON’T KNOW WHAT KIND. I’M GOING TO GUESS EITHER DEATH
METAL, GRINDCORE, OR DEATHGRIND.( LAUGHTER )
SO IN THIS SCENARIO, DONALD
TRUMP IS THE BAND FLAW, AND THE
WALL IS FLAW’S NEW VAN. FLAW NEEDS A NEW VAN TO MAKE IT
TO THEIR UPCOMING CONCERT AT SPICOLI’S IN WATERLOO, IOWA.( LAUGHTER )
AND DONALD TRUMP NEEDS HIS WALL
TO STOP MEXICANS FROM ALL
RUSHING IN TO AMERICA– I ASSUME TO CATCH FLAW AT SPICOLI’S IN
WATERLOO, IOWA. AND IF NONE OF THAT WORKS, TRUMP
CAN JUST ASK FLAW TO PATROL THE BORDER. BECAUSE FROM THEIR PHOTO, IT
LOOKS LIKE THEY’RE ALREADY THERE– AT LEAST UNTIL APRIL 3,
6:00 P.M., WHEN THEY’RE GOING TO BE AT SPICOLI’S ROCKADE, AT
3555 UNIVERSITY AVE., WATERLOO, IOWA. FLAW!( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
I’M A HUGE FLAW FAN.
>>Jon: OH, YOU LIKE FLAW?

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Reader Comments

  1. Mark Young

    Why anyone would watch this biased A hole is beyond me he is not even funny just a pathetic Trump Bashing it is sickening to say the least .Boy do I miss Johnny Carson

  2. matt2244

    Good work.. this war vet who last his legs and a arm is now getting death threat for himself and his family good job! Hope you’re happy

  3. hiphop rabbit

    It’s funny that you said a bake sale … my church is raising money for the wall by having a bake sale . We have 780.00 so far and one more Sunday sale to go .
    We will do whatever we need to do to find the wall .
    If we need to have a bake sale for the next year we will have a bake sale .
    It’s a very small price to pay when people have lost their children , spouses , parents , friends in war .
    God Bless you Trump .
    God bless everyone who wants immigrants here the legal way .
    The right way , the fair way .

  4. Alisha Scott

    I mean honestly does EVERY monologue have to be about the president. I get a lot of people don't like him and i get that Stephen doesn't like him but i remember when the entire thing wasn't about one person. It USED to be funny.

  5. Lori Rouse

    Yeah make your devil signs Colbert! all you blinded gullable people just laughing it up with him. We will see who will be laughing in the END!!!

  6. 714Goldenboy

    So if the president is spreading hate what’s this guy doing? Is the president funny? No. neither is this turd. Getting smacked humbles people. They both could use a tune up🤚

  7. James Franks

    Geeeezzzz what a bumbling idiot! Stephen I will say this…(no doubt he won’t read this, but if he does) you my friend are a complete moron. Brian Kolfage is an American Hero! You are a weak left wing libtard snowflake ❄️! If and when shit goes down you and your friends will be the first to beg for help from true Americans like Brian Kolfage! Keep America great! Build the wall! Trump 2020!

  8. THEEND123321

    Go Fund me for the wall its up to  19,384,716 this clown could get a go fund me for his child heart but Americans are giving million for the wall,.. like it or not Hollywood the people have spoken.  By the  way your paper god Hillary lost as your paper lawyer michael has failed too sacking a women when he saying he for women trump just pays those women no crime there kiddies think this over school today teaching it ok to has sex with the same sex, male on male women on women so what's wrong is you believe that President might of had sex with a porn star?, well maybe his wife would care buy it looks like a nothing burger again Stephen Colbert.  I'm not making this up Stephen,…………

  9. Fordz

    https://www.gofundme.com/if-he-can-raise-cash-for-the-wall-i-want-a-pc?pc=ot_co_dashboard_a&rcid=f17a80001d064f86989c285f59908281

    If he can get money for a wall, how about helping me out?

  10. Damian P

    M for military… yea I understood it … well enless it's Like M from M theory … oh he said it just as I'm typing oh well a waste of a comment

  11. Steven White

    1. How much has mexico put in?
    2. How much has trump put in?

    This is so hilarious. What would be more hillarious is if he actually used this money for the fence.

  12. William Geron

    It was making like 2 million a day, now it's like $800K a day. All Trump Supporters had to do was donate $80…that's it lol. Bunch of them can't afford it…they're lazy losers with no JOB, probably no house, and they probably can't afford their Healthcare/Dental. Pretty hilarious. Glad I haven't donated a cent. I have been sending prayers though.

  13. Damalia Marsi

    Where are the comedians? Why are people laughing? Trump is the best president we have had in 40 years, not sure why everyone is so crotchety when it comes to President Trump. I guess haters going to hate.

  14. etheangel2220

    The campaign is no longer considered viable and the terms have been changed. GoFundMe is now going to refund everyone's money unless they opt-in to redirect their donation to a 501non-profit Corporation called We Build the Wall. So GoFundMe will no longer be involved and the money to going to go to another organization that was set up with promises to do the construction and build the wall themselves. If your a cynic, you will probably say its an obvious scam. If youre the trusting type, then go ahead to the original GoFundMe page, make your donation and opt-in to send it to We Build the Wall, Inc.

  15. john Sanford

    I bet you Colbert has a wall around his house to keep people out. "Wall Are Racist?" everyone that lives in a house or rent a room, have 4 walls around them. There is also a door, that keeps you safe. You don't let just anyone in your home you want to know who they are. The problem is most liberals don't conciser the USA their home, they are just living here. America is your home and the people that pay the rent "IN THEIR NAMES" have a right to say of who comes in their home and have the right to not let criminals in. If you come inside without permission you ARE a criminal every second your there. ALL "undocumented" people are criminals aliens.———- If your being "triggered" You can be a good person and a criminal at the same time, once the border is secured, then we can let more people in legally and they wont live in fear everyday of being deported.

  16. Digital Porch

    How about helping with this. Please help me with my truly modest goal, I have a real need, plus check out my other projects, these can help you if you decide to use any of these services, all is very appreciated. Thank you for looking.
    https://www.gofundme.com/rd5w6rg

  17. ThePrincessMuffie

    This is ridiculous. Talk about a misuse of GoFundMe.

    Speaking of GoFundMe (yes a shameless plug…but it's for education 🤷#justified? )
    https://www.gofundme.com/ari039s-study-abroad-trip-to-italy

    Thanks for anything!

  18. 813lynch

    Wow this guy is a fucking loser
    FLAW Is better than both Colbert & Trump
    If you liked FLAW you would have known the kind of band they are. This is why people annoy me

  19. Kevin Garrett

    Sorry Colbert, but President Trump is still in office, and American voters have set up a Go Fund Me Account which has just raised 18 million FOR THE WALL.
    Guess it's going to be four more years of your lane Trump Jokes. Too bad. You used to be funny.

  20. 刘宇龙

    叔叔,特朗普叔好像假討厭惡白头盔糾署,其實白头盔扣帽子大多挑下巴,有下巴,其實以前挑白头盔憲兵組,大多有下巴好扣帽,,,SO。
    对了,美艦哪位英退將,会不会,,,是有众多助將比铁筆耙子人,,,而,还是个啥呢??。
    是羽毛筆还是刻石筆还是烧烙印呢?,是假音搞铁筆而干还是个啥呢,,,哪麼多筆音助,是干铁筆耙丫,用彩筆代丫,很多好处嗎,,,??。
    咦,叔叔,你的,,,下面,喔麥嘎,,,地板好亮,有打臘喔,,,。
    叔叔,正事要緊,囚狱众怎化解,会助教皇教宗众否?,班僵尸组也好回召主处,对了,囚狱众处牧兼職,並待三合共济是否有利益掛勾,,,对召也好有交代各教宗众,,,唉。
    唯一可行的是,最難奌囚獄先作良返善(班众組大慨全出助还不夠伏邪人員),然後(英國是美國友好国嗎?),美众卅再同意自心向美各宗无脅迫心決定,是結合北主保護宗门保衛主,而以信仰互信洽商,國重物運轉鍊,,,。
    鴿子怕其他拖久,而博士組和班組,会更忙而,丫~~~丫,咹乃,趁如今上下任集而同心,定可為解化,不然一直迷失矛盾(其實怨念会很快),像木棒擋板期,不多年而槍械也不多年,入各国後,也不多年,,,很可怕对吧,自己数字算,可算計出各幾年,,,而加集,再到任何一国也会如此很快感染,,,可怕吧。

  21. Marla castro hlavac

    HAaaa!!! ha ASSHOLE !!! … THE WALL IS GOING UP ! … The Air Force vet who raised $22 million on GoFundMe for a border wall just hit another major milestone
    Nicole Einbinder, Business Insider May 28, 2019 at 03:30
    We Build the Wall's GoFundMe campaign to privately pay for the wall emerged in the days leading up to last year's 35-day partial government shutdown— Now, a private group is taking action. In a slew of social media posts, We Build the Wall announced that, with the help of its GoFundMe campaign, it had constructed the first section of a wall near the Texas-New Mexico border in just three days.

    "Buckle up, we're just getting started!" the group wrote on Facebook. "If we can get this much done in three days, imagine what's about to be accomplished!"

    The group was started by triple-amputee war veteran Brian Kolfage, who claimed in his GoFundMe campaign to build segments of the president's border wall for a fraction of government costs and without "politicians in both parties obstructing President Trump's plan to build a wall on our southern border."

    Kolfage told The Washington Post in December he initially started the campaign because "political games from both parties" were derailing construction efforts. "It's time to stop playing games with voters," he said. On Tuesday, he wrote on Facebook "now let's get wall 2 and 3 built!"

  22. manfredomd

    one year ago: go fund me starts. liberals lose it. more than a million border detentions later, and a coward congress playing politics, the first part of the wall on the go fund me movement completed, at a 1/3 of the proportional federal cost. at a highly affected area.
    what do you know?

  23. rblair1980

    I know this is an old video… but hey, Mr. Colbert. How does it feel now? The GoFundMe site raised $24 Million and built the damn wall themselves. Dems stopped them from giving the money to the gov… so they went directly to the land owners on private property and did it their damn selves. Not only do you suck at comedy, you suck on knowing what the silent majority is. Stay in your little liberal bubble, that is the real comedy for me.

    Enjoy: https://www.gofundme.com/TheTrumpWall

  24. Freedom 777

    Why Are You Mocking Trump. ??? Because You Don't Feel Good About Yourself !!! No Respect !
    I Pray God Deals With You Appropriately !!!

  25. WD60

    Boy I'd like to spit some Beachnut in that Dudes eye. Do something for yourself Steve and get off the TV. Your not funny. I use to watch you but your just not relevant anymore. Thats All

  26. Fred Johnston

    The section that they just finished in El Paso is amazing. Whether you are for or against the wall, they showed both sides of parliament how to do it properly for incredibly less money and so much quicker. 75 year guarantee, underground sensors, LED lights, security cameras, concreted access road, and built where they said it was almost impossible to build. Closed off 19 trails. Stopped the cartel who are very upset.

  27. Bronte

    I'm OCD trying to keep my eye on the fascist President & exhaust myself doing it. I guiltily come here for a break & always glad I did. 😉🇺🇸👍

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