Rob Corddry – Hot Rod Fence – This Is Not Happening – Uncensored


Rob Corddy.
[cheers and applause] (Rob)
A couple years ago, my wife and I–we,
we bought a house. My favorite feature
was that lining the front
of the property was a fence. This fence had a motor. Right?
Yeah. This was a Hot Rod fence. And there was a button
at the end of the driveway and if you pushed
that button, the gate in front
of the driveway, it opens. And if you press
that button again, it closes. So I was outside one day
at the end of my driveway, just hitting the button.
[mimics gate opening] Pvvvvvvvuh.
Pvvvvvuh. Just passing the time
opening and closing my gate. When my next door neighbor
peeks over her fence. She says, “Hey.
Enjoying your fence, huh? “You know, I–I told
the former owner… “that fence is over height. It’s too high, it actually
violates zoning regulations.” So I said… “Why don’t you mind
your own business, you old, dried up bitch?
Who asked you?” Is what I should have said.
That’s what I should have said. Now, I didn’t think
much of it. And then about two weeks ago,
I’m–I’m walking out my front door, maybe gonna
squeeze in some mid-afternoon opening and closing
of the gate. And I see that my fence… got a ticket. [laughter] That’s right. Somebody from the zoning board,
probably, uh, probably one of
the zoning board cops, pulled over my Hot Rod fence
and gave it a ticket. Now, I like to imagine
when my fence was pulled over, that it was like
kind of a dick. You know, that it was
like, all cocky kind of belligerent. The zoning board guy
pulled him over, he’s like–walks up. Zoning board cop’s like, “You know why I pulled you over
today?” My fence is like,
“Pffff. ‘Cause you went to a state school,
can’t find a better job?” High fives the mailbox!
[laughter] And so this is where–this is
the point where my wife smashes into the story
like some human-sized pitcher of Kool-Aid. And she’s like… “It was that coughing bitch
next door who turned us in.” Quick sidebar. The woman next door,
our neighbor in question, has emphysema–ha, ha, ha,
ha, ha, ha, ha. Not cool. So I said to my wife, like, “What are we gonna do,
Confront her? I mean, she has emphysema.” And my wife’s like,
“Oh, I’ll give her emphysema.” And I was like, “No, no, no.
You don’t have to. You know what, she’s got it.” She’s got the thing. Uh, so, I mean, that was it. There was nothing we could do
except tear the fence down. Um, that’s right. I’m sorry but about–
about a month later, I’m at work and I get
a call from my wife. “Hey!
Hey, what’s going on? “Sorry to bug you at work.
Just a quick question. How do you un-send
an email?” [laughter] And I was like,
“Super-easy. “To un-send an email,
all you do “is live in 1994
when we’re all in dial-up “and that was even
a remote possibility. Why do you want to
un-send an email?” And she’s like,
“Oh, God. “So today, I get an email
from our dying lady “next door, and she’s like,
‘Hey, keep an eye on the people “‘that live behind you,
’cause they’re doing “‘some work on your
retaining wall and it might affect
the slope of your backyard.'” “So,” my wife is saying,
“I forwarded that to you with a note that said,
‘See?'” And I am quoting my wife
directly now. “See? “This proves that it was
that know-it-all [bleep]… [laughter] who turned us in for having
an over-height fence.” And I was like, “Baby, I didn’t
get an email from you.” And she was like,
“I know, because instead of hitting
‘forward,’ I hit ‘reply.'” [laughter] “So what do we do?” “It’s super-easy.
All we have to do is move.” And I was like,
“The only other thing we could do is kill her and make
it look like emphysema.” So my wife, she walked next door and knocked on the door
and apologized face-to-face. – [whistle]
– Yeah. High road.
[applause] So I learned that day
that that’s what you do. You take the high road.
You apologize… to someone’s face. I also learned
from my wife that when you do so,
it’d be helpful to have your newborn baby
in your arms as you do it. She was like,
“Oh, my God. “I am so sorry. “Can you please
find it in your heart “to–oh, did you hear that? Someone’s got the hiccups!” Thank you, everybody.
[cheers and applause]

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Reader Comments

  1. DimitriWithLemon

    At 2:15 he says "and about two weeks ago" and at 4:09 he says "about a month later". Meaning the story he was telling at 4:09 is 2 weeks i the future?

  2. Minutz Akira

    I'd have told my wife to run over there quick as fuck and ask to use her computer, like it's an emergency. Older gen people need help checking their email in some cases so there's a chance it's there but she hasn't seen it yet.

  3. Gunwoo Gim

    What did he say at 5:03 ? I heard it as "This proofs that it was that know-it-all cunt who turned a scene for having an over-height fence"
    Did I listen it correctly? I suppose I didn't because I can't google "turn a scene"

    Best Regards,
    From Korea

  4. Mandy D

    Big Jay has better real life stories than the make up story this guy told. His month ago, weeks ago and junk didn't pan out unless he lives in the future.
    Look, even if you don't have a good story to tell…make one up with your comedic genius that got you a spot on the show in the first place. 

  5. SQUID PEEN XL

    Why so much hate? Haha This wasn't that bad!  All you opinionated kids out there judging and critiquing like you could do any better…I Fcking dare you to go get a life.

  6. japaneseproctolgist

    This is a pretty lame story. This type of shit happens all the time in suburban America. It reminds me of all the bullshit drama that used to go on in my neighborhood growing up. If this is a crazy story they thought was good enough to film for comedy central I should fucking do one of these.

  7. gluecksmari

    Everybody chill, these are just real stories, not you tv sicom.

    Little help on that last joke?  I can´t put it together… hiccups, emphasema, baby, wife, neighbor, complaint?

  8. Stoney Lonsome

    Ari really had a good idea with this show- he made it such an open format and has so many different comedians on doing such drastically different material that if you like comedy at all- you should be able to find something you like here. I mean who doesn't like the idea of comedians being free to just do what they do- tells stories from their unique perspective? Brilliant Ari- truly brilliant.

  9. RJW

    i dont get this whole hot rod fence shit. hats the point. he has an automatic gate…then makes up this dumbass backstory for a "hot rod fence"? this is juts stupid. its supposed to be real stories about crazy shit, not fuckin zoning laws and your personified automatic gate. no more of this guy thanks

  10. Big Papa

    Small piece of advice this is what I do with other people butt into my business. I tell them to go f*** themselves. Because I put a garage out in my yard and Rand electricity to it and I did not bother going through any codes at all. Of course I live in a small town but I'm still the guy that I'll sit there and tell them to mind their own f**** business and go about my own business. I'm not paying any f**** fines or anything. I give a s*** with me say or think. But then again like I said I live in a small town in Kentucky so everybody kind of Minds their own business. I don't understand people who actually give a s*** with their neighbors think. Those people. Do you want to call on me I hope you like death metal at 3 a.m. because you're going to f**** hear it. 🙂 I'm not neighbor that f** with people LOL

  11. sissy j Williams

    realize these are true stories, not " material " ppl acting like they've ever told a true life story & gotten half the laughs these guys are getting then have the nerve to hate on them & when's the last time any of them got paid to tell a story real or otherwise. don't like it,don't watch it & quit your whining DAM

  12. Jon Yarborough

    This story isn’t true, he said two weeks ago he got a ticket on the gate. Then he went on to say a month later his wife called about the email!🧐🤔

  13. dhl671

    Da fuq??
    How you ‘get a ticket about two weeks ago’, ‘and then about a month later’ tear the fence down???
    Get your story straight, dipshit….
    Not very entertaining of a comic.
    Probably why it was the first time hearing of the guy.

  14. Quentin Littlepage

    Ive watched prob 20 of these from the series now. I know this vid is old, and the series is old now. But good fuck jesus motherfucking on crack christ the music audio is sooo fucking loud compared to speech. It boarder line makes it retarded to watch. You gotta fix this shit.

  15. jeff jones

    Old bag is dying from emphysema but is concerned about how tall someone's fence/gate is! WTF?!?!? That is how stupid some people are though!

  16. Jamie Barraclough

    Wait, what? That’s it? It’s over? Lol. Still waiting for the story, his wife sent an email to the wrong person. That’s the joke? Worst one of these things ever!

  17. Anonymous

    So did he have to take down the fence? I need closure lol. I believe there's some law about previous structures being grandfathered or some such loophole, so legally he could have kept his fence.

  18. Ultra Unity

    If anyone is dealing with someone like that in real life
    spend the time looking at the codes and take one look at their place and know that they have a million of those violations
    and then knock on the door and have a polite conversation as to whether they want to spend the next four to five years dealing with this
    when they could just agree to Live and Let Live

    some Psychopaths will not accept this and then it's up to you
    whether you move or you let them live the misery of
    what was how they wanted to treat you
    that you are now delivering unto them

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